The Onset Of Old Age?

I don't know if it's because the passing of my birthday was in fact a marking of a new chapter in my life (at least it feels like it), or what, but all I know is that I have been in a great mood ever since I woke up at 7a.m. on Wednesday. I feel rejuvenated, free, happy, and calm all at the same time. As if all the pieces have suddenly clicked into place. Albeit my life is still a mess, my state of mind is somewhat on a more blissful and circumventing path at present. It's pretty nice to feel this stable, and so completely gratifying. I feel whole and sure of myself. It is as if I'm not afraid to be the crazy, weird, and random girl, I have been my entire life, anymore. It's becoming easier to open up to those closest to me now, whereas before I had this whole other side they would've never thought to have pieced together. It's becoming easier and rushing towards me without lingering regret if I had said too much or if it wasn't what was wanted to be shared. I'm working on the true acceptance of my self-worth. I know I'm great, hell, I'm friggen amazing, and cute to boot, but I need to really believe it wholeheartedly (with my entire internal being) too. It's getting there.

I feel like this is a new chapter of me just being true and not just being, but embracing who I truly am, because that's okay. It's more than okay. I don't know if it's my meds working, or the Hawaiian sun, or whatever, but I feel good, recharged. So let's just go with it shall we?

By the by, my great friends have apparently planned a sort of 'surprise' outing tonight in L.A. for me to celebrate my past birthday. I'm pretty lucky I would say, in my circumstances. My greatest fear that is at the back of my heart prickling at me as if it's waiting to descend, is that this feeling is only temporary. But nothing is permanent, everything is a constant right? Anyway, I'm just going to go with this high and ride it out as long as possible, because I haven't felt this good in a really long time. I just hope the alcohol consumption tonight won't counter these highs the next day as it usually does, my friend have made it clear that I am going to get thoroughly messed up tonight. (thought I really don't want to, in fact I sort of don't like drinking too much anymore to be honest, maybe it's just me maturing? who knows) Anyway, I need to stop worrying because the worrying is bringing me down. Cheers lovers and happy Friday. <3