Adieu

We've grown apart, and I'm tired of trying while you don't. You're supposed to be the sister I never had, but you've never really acted like one.

My philosophy is that I treat my friends and people the way I would like to be treated. It has always been that way. But that just might be my own downfall, but it's never going to change. I adamantly believe in good karma and being the bigger person.

I should've known better in high school the first time you fucked me over, your supposed best friend, for a guy friend while siding with the majority after I was singled the scapegoat. You causing all that drama while I still stuck by you always, then after, you yourself turning, on me- too scared as always to stand alone for the right reasons. You're always going to choose the opposite gender over me, even though I'd take a bullet for you, it doesn't matter. You get angry when I say you don't know me, but you don't anymore. How can you really know who am I if one, you're never around to see it, and two, if you never really listen to what I have to say. It's been too long, we can't consider ourselves best blood (blood is the strongest tie there is) anymore, who are we kidding. And we've been subconsciously feigning for too long. I suppose trying to live up to the ideal. When we haven't really been consistent in each other's lives for more than 4 years.
I've brought these issues up repeatedly, but of course, I being you, you refuse to listen. You, only hear the first pary, don't ike it, and refuse to finish listening to the rest.

I finally gave up today. I'm not doing this with you anymore. I can't believe you actually said you weren't even trying anymore to understand me. What the fuck is that. That is the very moment I gave up on you and relented. I succumbed to the circumstances. I can't believe you let another guy friend come between us. So much for being 'best friends.'

What's the point, of everything, if you stop trying with your true friends?
Simple, there isn't one.

And I know, you have never truly been there for me when I really needed you, though I've given you every part of my empathy. Empathy, I'm beginning to think that, it's really a curse, it enables perpetual forgiveness. It makes people step all over you, your entire life. It makes you too entirely selfless. How can you be in control of and live your own life like that, when you're giving all of yourself away? When you're too busy caring about others to care for yourself. But the thing is, while you've never been there for me, during that time, I found myself. I'vr bern, alone my entire life, never having anyone, not even my family there to help me grow up, but for some stroke of good fortune, I realize that I found and now have my independence, my strong will, my confidence, and my real support.

I'm tired of being so completely disregarded, even for my entire life.
I'm tired of dragging it out when it's not working.

And I won't do it anymore.

Just got to accept a situation that cannot be changed for what it is and move on.
I've changed so much, even this past month, but how would you know that when you never make a simple effort to try. It takes two to maintain any relationship, especially a true friendship.

You're always saying that my will is so much stronger than yours, I am sorry, but I cannot carry us both anymore. Especially when you don't try. This is my life and it's time I completely start living for me rather than for others. It's my life, so why shouldn't my own actions and thought pertain to me.

I'm not playing this game anymore where you refuse to listen and admit fault because you're too stubborn and then I feel guilty horrible for just telling you the truth. You said you just don't want to hear it, but if you can't speak your mind openly and honestly, then what's the point and foundation of the relationship? True friends tell you the truth 'cause no one else will. There shouldn't be any need for censoring. You shouldn't feel like you aren't allowed to speak your mind or share, no one should be hindered like that. No one should have feel restricted, isn't friendship supposed to be open, trusting and accepting? Friendship shouldn't be a power struggle or ugly competition. We have grown apart and I realize that I am no different without you. You haven't really been around for 5 years. It makes no difference now.

The thing is, I really feel sorry for you because you need someone. But I am not sorry that I don't.
I'm sorry, but I'm finally so over it.

No scornful spite, no grudge, just a simple parting for the best.

Update***
I finally found out who you really are today. How our entire friendship has been a lie, with me being the fool on the other end. I am such a fucking idiot for trying to believe in the good in you. I just cannot believe I allowed myself to be manipulated by you.

I'm tired of hoping one day you'll live the straight life and stop being so innately and naturally devious. You are so goddamn manipulative and fake. You're a liar and I cannot believe I let you walk all over me and play me for 10 fucking years. I'm tired of believing in your fucking goodness that turns out was never there to begin with. You are so goddamn fake it is sickening. I don't understand how you can be so naturally devious.

You were supposed to be my sister. 10 fucking years, and you haven't changed a bit.
I guess I've always known, but with friends, you accept who they are no matter what because the friendship is supposed to be that much greater. But I guess in this case, it's just always you fucking people over.

I am entirely over and so finally and fully aware of your manipulative nature. I am such a goddamn sucker. A fucking fool for always believing the best in everyone. But there are some things that will never change and I don't ever want to have anything to do with you ever again. Yes we'll still be friends, but I will never bend over backwards for you or treat you better than I treat myself ever again. You are not my best friend and will never be treated and considered so ever again; you have never treated me well or like a best friend should.You have never been there when I truly needed you, in fact, you're never there. I should've known better than to have forgiven you and trusted you again without fault. You cannot go around treating decent human beings as if they aren't. What gets me the most is that you are so used to this conniving nature that you don't even think about it or plan ahead before you take action, you just do it because that's who and how you are. Of course I will be courteous and mature about all this. I will engage in common etiquette when our paths cross, but besides that, you're just another person on the outside to me.

Your true colors have shown, I just hope to god that one day you realize what you do and want to change for the better to become a good person. Because if you keep this up, in the end, you'll have no one left.