You my neighbor, who literally lives just down the street from me, we have become closer than ever before and have finally arrived at a place in our relationship that is really good. Really, really good. It has taken us years- almost a decade- to get here.
I know I'm crazy and that I still can't forget the past and all the wrong you have done me.
I know you have changed for the better.
But I still can't help but be completely scared out of my wits to trust you completely again.
What's worse is that I already know I care so much more about you than ever before.
I love you, you have become one of my closest friends.
But I hate myself for letting you in again because when you hurt me for the last time a while ago, I vowed to never let my guard down again.
And I still haven't.
But at times, I know I already have.
Sorry for the insane crying and drunk meltdown last night.
But you still remain as wonderful, caring, and understanding as ever now.
Now that you have changed for the better.
I know you have changed and become a completely different person than before and are trying to mend your ways.
I know that.
And I'm sorry that I still have my fears and doubts.
It's as if I am fighting myself. Two sides of me. The side that has already let you in with the side that vowed to never let you in again.
I told you last night I'm trying.
I can't believe I finally told you last night. And I can't believe the way it happened.
And you were still there for me. I know you have changed.
Can you see me running around in circles even as I speak and try to find the exact words to say?
Yeah, I seem to be literally fighting myself.
I hate that I am falling for you again. In a sense as in best friends. I vowed to never become involved with you again in a significant other sort of way. Even though we have such undeniable chemistry.
But I say falling for you again- meaning caring for you again. Deep down as a person and for who you are. The way a person's heart comes to really care about someone they love and become attached to.
I hate that. I hate that I seem to be becoming more and more attached to you. I hate that I love you. I hate how kind and generous you are with me and how I am the only one who can get away with anything from you while everyone else is scared as ever to ever cross you.
I hate that I am beginning to love you again as you seemed to have become my best friend within this week. (Mind you, all this love is strictly platonic. As I have tried to never let him forget even when our chemistry is more than strong. I refuse to ever go there. I don't think I'm capable of it. I don't ever go back remember?)
I hate that I am so scared to let you back in. And I hate the way you look at me as if I could never do any wrong. Oh, and also the way you hold me so tight whenever I let you. I know you only go as far and get as close to me as I let you.
I hate how attached I already am to you my best friend.
Friday, December 31, 2010
You
I met you about 2 weeks ago in Vegas.
And my mind is entirely consumed by you.
Crazy how that happens when I have only seen you twice and have barely spoken to you.
I hope the new year brings more memories to come.
I could fall for you.
And my mind is entirely consumed by you.
Crazy how that happens when I have only seen you twice and have barely spoken to you.
I hope the new year brings more memories to come.
I could fall for you.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Don't Bother
Permanently disabled.
Utterly incapable.
In all honesty,
Numbness enabled,
I can't.
I just can't,
do it.
There is nothing left,
Of me.
Hollow,
And useless.
Ultimately, effectively,
Defectively,
Discarded.
Utterly incapable.
In all honesty,
Numbness enabled,
I can't.
I just can't,
do it.
There is nothing left,
Of me.
Hollow,
And useless.
Ultimately, effectively,
Defectively,
Discarded.
Hope Renewed
So a lot of things have happened in such a short span of time. I feel slightly more replenished with the feel good endorphines everyone wishes they had on on the entire time. Although there are still times when all I want to do is curl up on my bed and do nothing for the rest of my life, I am starting to feel more hopeful. I know, shocking right? But we all know that for me, these feelings are often flukes and teases that never seem to last. But anyway.
So while in bed last night, desperately trying to sleep (last night was the worst sleep I have gotten in a long time, I couldn't sleep at all. It was straight up insomnia level), I decided that I might try my hand at writing poetry. I mean, not at that very moment at 4:45am, but start as in making it into a new and developing hobby. This is a very big step for me because I basically gave up even trying since I didn't/don't think I had/have it. (this includes writing books/lyrics too) I've never done so because I have never had any faith in myself to be able to create it. Poetry is like a type of art; it's also just so beautiful too.
I never thought I was artistic enough to create something out of nothing. (Well I never have been able to, I've always lacked that ability) I mean yeah I can articulate well and do what I do in this blog. I can speak of real and deep issues and elaborate then down to the T with my neverending prose that are based on long sentences, but to be great at creating fiction is another thing in itself. Being artistic and creative are two completely different things.
More as time passes, the realization that I have no talent at all and that I am just ordinary is beginning to dawn on me and come on a bit too strongly. It's scary. I mean I am good at analytical, theoretical, practical situations, thinking, and other things. Things have always come easily to me. I have always been good at things, with the major exception of being artistic of course, but never great. You know, just GREAT, the kind that can creating heart and soul moving pieces and ideas. I can't work with my hands and create something beautiful. I wish I could draw, paint, write poetry choreograph, or play an instrument (the term Art posseses all forms), but I just can't. It's like there's this mental chip in my brain that prevents me from doing so no matter how hard I try. I can pick someone's brain, but I don't have the brain that has golden ticket- talent. My mind is just blank when I try to formulate something out of nothing. Trust me, I got a C in creative writing- I couldn't come up with any interesting story when I was told to start from nothing. You know? No prompts and write about whatever you want to write about. I'm not like great writers who write fiction and who have a millions stories in their minds just waiting to be tangibly produced and reproduced. Sad, but too true. See what I mean about the difference between being artistic and creative? I know I'm creative, but I envy the talented.
I wish I could bridge the gap of the indepth and existential notions I live and write about that so completely move and inspire me, with the ability to express them. It's starting to pain me more and more, as I embrace my grown-up self and become comfortable and content with myself while aquiring confidence to boot, that I have no outlet or way to really be expressive. I just love to read. Everyone tells me I should go write a book, but really I don't know if I ever could. Unless it was non-fiction. But I love fictional literature. The only thing I seem to be good at is articulation, what I do now in my blog and even sometimes I get lazy to write something beautiful that just melts and falls off of the tongue. And I'm not even great at that!
But then again, am I being oblivious to my own qualities? Is this blog actually considered to be a form of writing? Can this drabble that I force into my computer really be considered to be writing? (probably a skewed perception, but I've always considered writing to be like the greats- poetry and literature- That's how they move and touch our souls right?) What is it that everyone sees in me, except me? Because I can't see much of it. Everyone is always telling me how great I am and blah blah blah, but really? I don't think so. I know I'm trying, and I'm definitely trying to love myself more, but I got to tell you, it is not easy. I must really be screwed up huh? Too damaged to be fixed I always say. So damaged that I'm scared I'll infect all the normal people.
I know I am my own worst critic, but is wanting this expecting too much out of life? Maybe and probably. People always want what they can't have right? Especially since people are constantly changing whether they realize it or not, or even choose to let themselves see and understand it. Well, not everyone can be part of the cool kids club right? Haha. I have high expectations for everything, which is a trait I have come to resent for it always leads to disappointment.
I don't know if I can now, but I have decided to at least give it a try and see what comes up. (No matter how bad the poetry ends up to be) But see the thing is, I may think I am ordinary, but then I reflect back on my life and the things I have said and written (I guess blogging is a form of writing, this did begin as an experiment to see what I could come up with to expand my mind), and I know that I have always been different than others. Always the one who sticks out and freaks people out because she is dark and twisted. And we all know, the majority of the world never wants to get past the surface of people because they never want to deal with mess.
But I digress haha. Okay, I know I have always been different, or at least I have felt it. I've never fit in with my peers, ever- even in grade school and definitely never in the other grades too. I have these passions, emotions, and inspirations that are beyond strong. All of which stem from within me. I'd love a person to want to know the things I feel and believe. But people either don't really want to know that and they end up like scared sheep and run or they really just don't have the brain capacity to make it all click. (like me and my lack of talent/artistic ability) I mean there are times when I speak about these deep things, such as why I love a certain song- picking at every little specific detail and describing how it touches me and how everything works together, stuff like that- and people just can't seem to grasp or have an inkling of understanding. Language barrier- you know different brains different logics? Maybe so. Of course these things are not normal conversation and ice breaker topics haha, but what can I say? I'm too passionate for my own good. (Okay, let's not assume I'm completely conceited and ignorantly self-centered. We're all speaking earnestly and judgementally free here, if not then get the fuck out!)
And the inability to understand no matter which way I try to discuss it- you know, different approaches, really makes me wonder. I mean there are people that tell me they get it what I'm saying and understand, but you know in your mind that they really don't understand even if they themselves think they do. Eh, what are you going to do right? I know, I know, I am way too critical.
But the thing is, everyone says they're different right? Everybody wants to claim singularity and acquire their individuality badge. But if everyone's claiming it, who's to say we aren't just all the same? Who's to say that I'm not just ordinary? (oh my god, let's not get all Althusserian right now and talk about ideologies and what's the normative and the unknowing, impossible, and unsolvable issue that inevitably regenerates and just wraps around itself; the things that are that shouldn't be and the things that shoudn't should be. I know, confusing right? Sorry, have I made your brain explode? because my tongue just did a ramble haha. See what I mean about the greats? How do you even come up with theories like that?! I guess I was paying attention at university, sweet!)
Who's to say that I am really different and special and great like everyone supposedly swears me to be. What can you believe?
Anyway, back to the original purpose of this entry.
So thus, I will be taskingly trying to tackle on the scary beast process of begetting poetry. (No matter how bad it may turn out to be. Oh god, I hate reading bad poetry, it makes me want to cry like when I read mistakes on pages. Bleh, you got to start somewhere right?)
But! I will be doing so in a small notebook and not on virtually. I need some practice first. (;
So while in bed last night, desperately trying to sleep (last night was the worst sleep I have gotten in a long time, I couldn't sleep at all. It was straight up insomnia level), I decided that I might try my hand at writing poetry. I mean, not at that very moment at 4:45am, but start as in making it into a new and developing hobby. This is a very big step for me because I basically gave up even trying since I didn't/don't think I had/have it. (this includes writing books/lyrics too) I've never done so because I have never had any faith in myself to be able to create it. Poetry is like a type of art; it's also just so beautiful too.
I never thought I was artistic enough to create something out of nothing. (Well I never have been able to, I've always lacked that ability) I mean yeah I can articulate well and do what I do in this blog. I can speak of real and deep issues and elaborate then down to the T with my neverending prose that are based on long sentences, but to be great at creating fiction is another thing in itself. Being artistic and creative are two completely different things.
More as time passes, the realization that I have no talent at all and that I am just ordinary is beginning to dawn on me and come on a bit too strongly. It's scary. I mean I am good at analytical, theoretical, practical situations, thinking, and other things. Things have always come easily to me. I have always been good at things, with the major exception of being artistic of course, but never great. You know, just GREAT, the kind that can creating heart and soul moving pieces and ideas. I can't work with my hands and create something beautiful. I wish I could draw, paint, write poetry choreograph, or play an instrument (the term Art posseses all forms), but I just can't. It's like there's this mental chip in my brain that prevents me from doing so no matter how hard I try. I can pick someone's brain, but I don't have the brain that has golden ticket- talent. My mind is just blank when I try to formulate something out of nothing. Trust me, I got a C in creative writing- I couldn't come up with any interesting story when I was told to start from nothing. You know? No prompts and write about whatever you want to write about. I'm not like great writers who write fiction and who have a millions stories in their minds just waiting to be tangibly produced and reproduced. Sad, but too true. See what I mean about the difference between being artistic and creative? I know I'm creative, but I envy the talented.
I wish I could bridge the gap of the indepth and existential notions I live and write about that so completely move and inspire me, with the ability to express them. It's starting to pain me more and more, as I embrace my grown-up self and become comfortable and content with myself while aquiring confidence to boot, that I have no outlet or way to really be expressive. I just love to read. Everyone tells me I should go write a book, but really I don't know if I ever could. Unless it was non-fiction. But I love fictional literature. The only thing I seem to be good at is articulation, what I do now in my blog and even sometimes I get lazy to write something beautiful that just melts and falls off of the tongue. And I'm not even great at that!
But then again, am I being oblivious to my own qualities? Is this blog actually considered to be a form of writing? Can this drabble that I force into my computer really be considered to be writing? (probably a skewed perception, but I've always considered writing to be like the greats- poetry and literature- That's how they move and touch our souls right?) What is it that everyone sees in me, except me? Because I can't see much of it. Everyone is always telling me how great I am and blah blah blah, but really? I don't think so. I know I'm trying, and I'm definitely trying to love myself more, but I got to tell you, it is not easy. I must really be screwed up huh? Too damaged to be fixed I always say. So damaged that I'm scared I'll infect all the normal people.
I know I am my own worst critic, but is wanting this expecting too much out of life? Maybe and probably. People always want what they can't have right? Especially since people are constantly changing whether they realize it or not, or even choose to let themselves see and understand it. Well, not everyone can be part of the cool kids club right? Haha. I have high expectations for everything, which is a trait I have come to resent for it always leads to disappointment.
I don't know if I can now, but I have decided to at least give it a try and see what comes up. (No matter how bad the poetry ends up to be) But see the thing is, I may think I am ordinary, but then I reflect back on my life and the things I have said and written (I guess blogging is a form of writing, this did begin as an experiment to see what I could come up with to expand my mind), and I know that I have always been different than others. Always the one who sticks out and freaks people out because she is dark and twisted. And we all know, the majority of the world never wants to get past the surface of people because they never want to deal with mess.
But I digress haha. Okay, I know I have always been different, or at least I have felt it. I've never fit in with my peers, ever- even in grade school and definitely never in the other grades too. I have these passions, emotions, and inspirations that are beyond strong. All of which stem from within me. I'd love a person to want to know the things I feel and believe. But people either don't really want to know that and they end up like scared sheep and run or they really just don't have the brain capacity to make it all click. (like me and my lack of talent/artistic ability) I mean there are times when I speak about these deep things, such as why I love a certain song- picking at every little specific detail and describing how it touches me and how everything works together, stuff like that- and people just can't seem to grasp or have an inkling of understanding. Language barrier- you know different brains different logics? Maybe so. Of course these things are not normal conversation and ice breaker topics haha, but what can I say? I'm too passionate for my own good. (Okay, let's not assume I'm completely conceited and ignorantly self-centered. We're all speaking earnestly and judgementally free here, if not then get the fuck out!)
And the inability to understand no matter which way I try to discuss it- you know, different approaches, really makes me wonder. I mean there are people that tell me they get it what I'm saying and understand, but you know in your mind that they really don't understand even if they themselves think they do. Eh, what are you going to do right? I know, I know, I am way too critical.
But the thing is, everyone says they're different right? Everybody wants to claim singularity and acquire their individuality badge. But if everyone's claiming it, who's to say we aren't just all the same? Who's to say that I'm not just ordinary? (oh my god, let's not get all Althusserian right now and talk about ideologies and what's the normative and the unknowing, impossible, and unsolvable issue that inevitably regenerates and just wraps around itself; the things that are that shouldn't be and the things that shoudn't should be. I know, confusing right? Sorry, have I made your brain explode? because my tongue just did a ramble haha. See what I mean about the greats? How do you even come up with theories like that?! I guess I was paying attention at university, sweet!)
Who's to say that I am really different and special and great like everyone supposedly swears me to be. What can you believe?
Anyway, back to the original purpose of this entry.
So thus, I will be taskingly trying to tackle on the scary beast process of begetting poetry. (No matter how bad it may turn out to be. Oh god, I hate reading bad poetry, it makes me want to cry like when I read mistakes on pages. Bleh, you got to start somewhere right?)
But! I will be doing so in a small notebook and not on virtually. I need some practice first. (;
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Vegas Bound
HOLLA! Haha, oh man so much has been going on, but unfortunately just haven't had the motivation, or care to have it remembered through archive. Hasn't been considered important haha. Sorry, it's go time!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
The Classical
Seriously, I don't think any type of music moves me more than classical. I just love it. It evokes this illuminating euphoric feeling throughout my entire body when I hear a completely beautiful piece. Is it the fact that I am completely handicapped when it comes to playing musical instruments? (Oh how I wish I could play the piano, violin, and bass, but alas notes just don't seem to make sense to me. I don't know why, I've tried to, but it's like something just doesn't click. Even as a kid, something just didn't work. And yet, I feel such a connection to music all the time. I can move/dance and sing (quite well in fact) all on beat with perfect timing better than I can understand the certain formulation of put together sounds/harmonies/notes. Odd right?) Possibly.
But it's more than that. I can hardly even describe it properly. And come on, me not being able to find the right words is a tough one seeing as articulation and perfect words and phrases make up a huge part of my passions.
It's like it makes my brain innately tap into a hemisphere or region that causes some sort of bittersweet sentiment, yet it's such a scintillatingly beautiful feeling at the same time. It makes me want to cry and smile at the same time of how perfect a piece can be. I know it's odd to describe a feeling as beautiful because let's face it, we cannot physically see or touch feelings, but that's the only word that comes to mind when I think of how immersed in notes I become when I find myself listening to my classical/compositions playlist. That is the only way I can find to perfectly describe what I feel.
I love to hear the sounds made by a solo piano. Second would be strings of a violin. It's favorite.
I hope I may one day have the opportunity of taking piano lessons again so I may again try to make sense of something I cannot seem to understand no matter how hard I try.
But it's more than that. I can hardly even describe it properly. And come on, me not being able to find the right words is a tough one seeing as articulation and perfect words and phrases make up a huge part of my passions.
It's like it makes my brain innately tap into a hemisphere or region that causes some sort of bittersweet sentiment, yet it's such a scintillatingly beautiful feeling at the same time. It makes me want to cry and smile at the same time of how perfect a piece can be. I know it's odd to describe a feeling as beautiful because let's face it, we cannot physically see or touch feelings, but that's the only word that comes to mind when I think of how immersed in notes I become when I find myself listening to my classical/compositions playlist. That is the only way I can find to perfectly describe what I feel.
I love to hear the sounds made by a solo piano. Second would be strings of a violin. It's favorite.
I hope I may one day have the opportunity of taking piano lessons again so I may again try to make sense of something I cannot seem to understand no matter how hard I try.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
100% Natural
BareMinerals lipglosses. Seriously, this brand/type is what made me fall in love with color on my lips and thus pushed me to begin embracing my femininity. I have been a tomboy since day one having grown up playing with the boys, most of all my friends are guys, and being raised in a family of just all guys. I only have one girl cousin and right now she's 13. I'm 22, too late now haha. (Tried the other lip plumping kind, but it left my lips tingly and weird. I didn't know how I felt about it) I love the way it feels, for it doesn't feel like normal glosses. I don't know if it's because it's 100% natural or whatever, but it makes my lips feel moisturized and so fantastic. And it doesn't hurt that it enhances any face if you choose not to wear make up on a day.
I first purchased cassis, of which I used ferociously like chapstick. ;) (Believe me, if I was stranded on a desert island, chapstick would be the first thing on my list. It's true, I have answered it just so when I asked by friends in the past)
Sadly it has now become quite arduous and very tasking to get a decent amount to cover my lips. It began to run out after a month of tons of use. I love this color, it's neutral, clean, and fresh with a hint of sparkle for either daytime work or nighttime play. Or just anytime for the matter. A perfect starting color to test the waters of this new girly side of me.
Two weeks ago, I went lipcolor hunting in lieu of compensating for my favorite lipgloss withdrawal. Desperate to find a replacement or buy the same color.
I came across pomegranate (by this time I guess I had tapped into my inner feminine side, which to be honest is kind of odd and frightening, I don't know how I feel about this sudden change but it's interesting at the same time, and was experimenting with light pinks, berries, and reds. You can totally tell by last months entries about lipsticks, ie; pretty in pink, and good feelings.), which is also clean and fresh with a hint of sparkle (the sparkle which I love), but this time it is more of a light and seriously pomegranate color, they don't mess around haha, that leaves my lips looking totally kissable. It's not too heavy a color to contrast badly against my very fair skin, which believe me anything heavy often looks bad. I have more of a natural look.
And to be honest, I loved it. (I love it)
I bought it instead of a cassis replacement and truth be told, if it wasn't for the whole sticky wind hair issue and the whole opened door of lipcolor indulgence discovery (seriously it's like an addiction once started, no lie), everyday would be its purpose.
I hadn't worn pomegranate in a long time since I was busy playing with my lipstains. Today was my first time wearing it in a while.
I am completely reminded of my original lippy love. Holla. (:
I first purchased cassis, of which I used ferociously like chapstick. ;) (Believe me, if I was stranded on a desert island, chapstick would be the first thing on my list. It's true, I have answered it just so when I asked by friends in the past)
Sadly it has now become quite arduous and very tasking to get a decent amount to cover my lips. It began to run out after a month of tons of use. I love this color, it's neutral, clean, and fresh with a hint of sparkle for either daytime work or nighttime play. Or just anytime for the matter. A perfect starting color to test the waters of this new girly side of me.
Two weeks ago, I went lipcolor hunting in lieu of compensating for my favorite lipgloss withdrawal. Desperate to find a replacement or buy the same color.
I came across pomegranate (by this time I guess I had tapped into my inner feminine side, which to be honest is kind of odd and frightening, I don't know how I feel about this sudden change but it's interesting at the same time, and was experimenting with light pinks, berries, and reds. You can totally tell by last months entries about lipsticks, ie; pretty in pink, and good feelings.), which is also clean and fresh with a hint of sparkle (the sparkle which I love), but this time it is more of a light and seriously pomegranate color, they don't mess around haha, that leaves my lips looking totally kissable. It's not too heavy a color to contrast badly against my very fair skin, which believe me anything heavy often looks bad. I have more of a natural look.
And to be honest, I loved it. (I love it)
I bought it instead of a cassis replacement and truth be told, if it wasn't for the whole sticky wind hair issue and the whole opened door of lipcolor indulgence discovery (seriously it's like an addiction once started, no lie), everyday would be its purpose.
I hadn't worn pomegranate in a long time since I was busy playing with my lipstains. Today was my first time wearing it in a while.
I am completely reminded of my original lippy love. Holla. (:
Friday, December 3, 2010
Where Does The Good Go?
Gotta love Tegan & Sara. I still get chills whenever I really listen to every part of this song. Listen to the word play and the intertwined sound of their voices. It's like their making shapes out of something you can't see but can only hear.
Where do you go with your broken heart in tow
What do you do with the left over you
And how do you know, when to let go
Where does the good go, where does the good go
Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive
Look me in the heart and tell me you won't go
Look me in the eye and promise no love's like our love
Look me in the heart and unbreak broken, it won't happen
It's love that leaves and breaks the seal of always thinking you would be
Real, happy and healthy, strong and calm, where does the good go
Where does the good go
Where do you go when you're in love and the world knows
How do you live so happily while I am sad and broken down
What do you say it's up for grabs now that you're on your way down
Where does the good go, where does the good go
Where do you go with your broken heart in tow
What do you do with the left over you
And how do you know, when to let go
Where does the good go, where does the good go
Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive
Look me in the heart and tell me you won't go
Look me in the eye and promise no love's like our love
Look me in the heart and unbreak broken, it won't happen
It's love that leaves and breaks the seal of always thinking you would be
Real, happy and healthy, strong and calm, where does the good go
Where does the good go
Where do you go when you're in love and the world knows
How do you live so happily while I am sad and broken down
What do you say it's up for grabs now that you're on your way down
Where does the good go, where does the good go
Absolutely No Discipline
Whatsoever. But I could've told you that when applied in accordance to everything in my life.
Haha, so I had to go on an errand and as opportunity would have it, the place I needed to go to was in the same vicinity of a Barne's and Noble's bookstore. (uh-oh trouble already right?)
I don't know why, but everyone says all the time to stay out of trouble. And I often wonder if I am really that bad. I mean, I know I get into trouble a lot (fun trouble albeit, please, I certainly am not stupid), but it really, I mean really (despite what all my friends say) isn't as if I intentional go out with the purpose to match a specific chaos quota. I don't know, shit just happens and it just seems to drift towards me. I mean, I wish I didn't get into so much trouble, but eh. I guess it's just an innately mischievous nature I've always possessed (since birth; seriously, ask my parents and family); yet, that makes up a significant portion of who I am. But I am digressing. (:
Okay Truth, I tried so hard just to not go in. (for I keep buying books and have like 6 books at home I have yet to read haha I tried to be good, but thus failed)
The result?
Epic fail, huge.
But, I finally decided to sign up for a membership card after years of spending a fortune. It will save me so much more for the years to come, but not so much that I won't be eventually spending my entire savings there! I will be the old, yet effervescent lady who lived in her books; well, and shoes/hats/scarves of course. 'Cause let's be real, I am basically beyond repair and saving when it comes to men/beaus/spouses/lovers/soulmates/etc. But either way, huzzah! more books!
Oh man, is it odd/weird that I get such a high from purchasing new books? (or I supposed not just books? but they are my main products of purchase) Or even just being around so many books for the matter? I guess that's the only constant in my life; the constant, of course, being the rush and endorphined fueled high effects of the fully embraced consumerism ideal.
What can I say? Shopping therapy works so well. Completely in a scintillatingly whimsical mood right now; which is quite unusual, but let's just go with it shall we? ;)
It indeed is a fabulously fantastical, felicitous, favorable/fortunate, fanciful Friday! (don't you just love alliteration? harhar)
Cheers lovers. <3
Haha, so I had to go on an errand and as opportunity would have it, the place I needed to go to was in the same vicinity of a Barne's and Noble's bookstore. (uh-oh trouble already right?)
I don't know why, but everyone says all the time to stay out of trouble. And I often wonder if I am really that bad. I mean, I know I get into trouble a lot (fun trouble albeit, please, I certainly am not stupid), but it really, I mean really (despite what all my friends say) isn't as if I intentional go out with the purpose to match a specific chaos quota. I don't know, shit just happens and it just seems to drift towards me. I mean, I wish I didn't get into so much trouble, but eh. I guess it's just an innately mischievous nature I've always possessed (since birth; seriously, ask my parents and family); yet, that makes up a significant portion of who I am. But I am digressing. (:
Okay Truth, I tried so hard just to not go in. (for I keep buying books and have like 6 books at home I have yet to read haha I tried to be good, but thus failed)
The result?
Epic fail, huge.
But, I finally decided to sign up for a membership card after years of spending a fortune. It will save me so much more for the years to come, but not so much that I won't be eventually spending my entire savings there! I will be the old, yet effervescent lady who lived in her books; well, and shoes/hats/scarves of course. 'Cause let's be real, I am basically beyond repair and saving when it comes to men/beaus/spouses/lovers/soulmates/etc. But either way, huzzah! more books!
Oh man, is it odd/weird that I get such a high from purchasing new books? (or I supposed not just books? but they are my main products of purchase) Or even just being around so many books for the matter? I guess that's the only constant in my life; the constant, of course, being the rush and endorphined fueled high effects of the fully embraced consumerism ideal.
What can I say? Shopping therapy works so well. Completely in a scintillatingly whimsical mood right now; which is quite unusual, but let's just go with it shall we? ;)
It indeed is a fabulously fantastical, felicitous, favorable/fortunate, fanciful Friday! (don't you just love alliteration? harhar)
Cheers lovers. <3
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Only Girly Kindred Spirits Would Understand
Let's have a fun post shall we? I'm having a brilliant morning and so far, a good day. I don't know why, but everytime I begin the day off with The Cure, I am always put right in a good mood.
Okay, so I have just fallen in love with the new lipstains that have come out. You know the ones that have the marker tip? Yeah, those. At first when I used it, I was put off by the marker tip, I mean it was seriously like a real marker! But after trying it out, seriously, simply amazing. I mean I have read reviews that they suck and don't stay on, but I am telling you, this stuff does not wash off! At least not off of my skin. (Maybe I'm just lucky? Hah as a person with the worst luck ever, I hope my luck is beginning to change) I mean of course some of it will come off if you eat something oil-based, but overall it's pretty sweet.
So yes I am a major sucker for the cosmetic commercials with actors/actresses. (Actually I am just a major sucker in general. Haha, seriously informercials and grocery deals, you know those buy 10 for $10 kind of thing, and I am sold) I think hiring beautiful/vivacious actresses for product advertisement was genius and an excellant gimmick. Seriously, Drew Barrymore has made me want to buy everything she has marketed.
I have already bought two smoky shadow blasts, the purple lash blast, and an eye highlights mascara. (I usually only use Estee Lauder and Lancome mascara with the exception of Shiseido, but what can I say? Drew had me at hello haha) As for make up, I am very picky about what I use. Make up- Bare Minerals and Eyeshadow- Mac, Urban Decay, Estee Lauder, and Lancome. I guess you could say I'm a make up snob? But hey, these products that you put on your face should be the best, I mean it's your face. Come on, gotta take care of yourselves.
But as for lippy stuff, I don't mind being a lip product slut. Haha. Hey, as for a girl who used to only use Chapstick- seriously, either the blue one or cherry- me becoming more girly this year has been my mother's dream come true. And to be honest, it's kind of fun, but I do draw the line at certain things with clothes and colors- strictly dark and dull-black, white, grays, blue- but I have started adding in dark forest green and red. I'm trying to expand my color palate, but am definitely not a label whore and definitely do not like girly clothes (ie; bows, ruffles, pastels, sequins, etc.). But of course, hats, scarves, and leather cuffs are a must; I love them. Oh god, and don't even get me started on shoes. A girl can never have enough shoes. I have so many pairs that I have no place to put them haha. Okay, need to stop rambling now and focus haha.
And then I saw Jessica Biel in the Just Bitten commercial and I really loved the color on her lips, and not to mention how pretty her lips are and basically how pretty she is in general, I guess that didn't hurt either to coax me into giving these lipstains a try.
I have bought two of the Revlon Just Bitten Lipstain + Balm in Passion and Forbidden and two of the Covergirl Lipstain in Flirty Nude and Scarlett Pucker.
I cannot stress just how fun they are. It's as if the inner girl who used to collect all these fun and new different chapsticks- bonne bell, etc.- in her childhood has come out to indulge again.
I highly prefer the Revlon lipstains more because they last longer since they are less watery, the colors are prettier, and I absolutely love the balm that comes with on the end. The Covergirl ones are more watery and take longer to dry.
And they all smell so good! Not an overpowering scent, just fresh and a bit fruity. And as a person who is sensitive to strong smells so much that I can get headaches from them, trust me, these are pretty good.
I mean, I have read tons of reviews of complaints about dry lips, markers drying out, color being too dark. And yeah maybe, but I guess some idiots don't understand that with lipstains, with the exception of Mac Pro Lipstain, they need a balm to go over it for moisture. I haven't had the problem with drying out markers, but we shall see about that. And as for the color being too dark, well just don't color it in so dark. Really now, all it takes is a light splash for a good and clean daytime look and for evening, just darken. Duh idiots, need I say more?
My absolute favorite one is the Revlon Passion color. It's a fun pink, and as we all know I love pretty in pink lipsticks. Seeing as my skin is an extremely fair and light color, I would say most dark lipsticks make me look much older than I really am. But with these I don't need a lot, just a little color and I'm good to go.
I am still a somewhat tomboy so sometimes lipsticks still get on my nerves, I hate the feeling on my lips and often the taste. Not to mention the constant re-application seeing as how they come off and stick onto everything, not cool. As for glosses, I love them but come on, we all hate how sticky they are, especially with the wind blowing and your hair down. Oh, and it's not a nice thing to have on your lips especially if you want to kiss someone. Not cool. Haha, but these stains are amazing. For now at least, until my mind wanders off and finds something else to obsess and rant about.
Oh! And I almost forgot. Since I have been coloring my hair a lot lately (I just colored my hair again last Friday, but I plan on doing so after a couple weeks seeing as how the red made it lighter than what I actually wanted. I really just wanted a rich chocolate brown color), I have definitely worried about the quality of my hair. Thus, I purchased Pantene ProV Color Preserve- Smooth shampoo and conditioner. Well I have only used it twice, and oh my god, let me tell you, utterly astonishing and amazing! My hair never felt better. It claims to give moisture and repair damage, and I may be a sucker, but my hair doesn't feel as dry as before. In fact it is quite soft. Huzzah!
Oh god, this all sounds like a review on products. But with better commentary I would hope hah. I am actually surprised at myself for expressing such an entry seeing as how I do not normally detail materialistic objects. Hmm.
I guess even though I am a slight tomboy, within a girl there is always a girly side. And I have seriously been particiating in massive consumerism lately, so I had to rave about it somewhere. These products were just so fun and good that I had to archive this good feeling, naturally. (:
Update**
Okay, these lipstains do dry out your lips. So beware and be sure to moisturize!
Okay, so I have just fallen in love with the new lipstains that have come out. You know the ones that have the marker tip? Yeah, those. At first when I used it, I was put off by the marker tip, I mean it was seriously like a real marker! But after trying it out, seriously, simply amazing. I mean I have read reviews that they suck and don't stay on, but I am telling you, this stuff does not wash off! At least not off of my skin. (Maybe I'm just lucky? Hah as a person with the worst luck ever, I hope my luck is beginning to change) I mean of course some of it will come off if you eat something oil-based, but overall it's pretty sweet.
So yes I am a major sucker for the cosmetic commercials with actors/actresses. (Actually I am just a major sucker in general. Haha, seriously informercials and grocery deals, you know those buy 10 for $10 kind of thing, and I am sold) I think hiring beautiful/vivacious actresses for product advertisement was genius and an excellant gimmick. Seriously, Drew Barrymore has made me want to buy everything she has marketed.
I have already bought two smoky shadow blasts, the purple lash blast, and an eye highlights mascara. (I usually only use Estee Lauder and Lancome mascara with the exception of Shiseido, but what can I say? Drew had me at hello haha) As for make up, I am very picky about what I use. Make up- Bare Minerals and Eyeshadow- Mac, Urban Decay, Estee Lauder, and Lancome. I guess you could say I'm a make up snob? But hey, these products that you put on your face should be the best, I mean it's your face. Come on, gotta take care of yourselves.
But as for lippy stuff, I don't mind being a lip product slut. Haha. Hey, as for a girl who used to only use Chapstick- seriously, either the blue one or cherry- me becoming more girly this year has been my mother's dream come true. And to be honest, it's kind of fun, but I do draw the line at certain things with clothes and colors- strictly dark and dull-black, white, grays, blue- but I have started adding in dark forest green and red. I'm trying to expand my color palate, but am definitely not a label whore and definitely do not like girly clothes (ie; bows, ruffles, pastels, sequins, etc.). But of course, hats, scarves, and leather cuffs are a must; I love them. Oh god, and don't even get me started on shoes. A girl can never have enough shoes. I have so many pairs that I have no place to put them haha. Okay, need to stop rambling now and focus haha.
And then I saw Jessica Biel in the Just Bitten commercial and I really loved the color on her lips, and not to mention how pretty her lips are and basically how pretty she is in general, I guess that didn't hurt either to coax me into giving these lipstains a try.
I have bought two of the Revlon Just Bitten Lipstain + Balm in Passion and Forbidden and two of the Covergirl Lipstain in Flirty Nude and Scarlett Pucker.
I cannot stress just how fun they are. It's as if the inner girl who used to collect all these fun and new different chapsticks- bonne bell, etc.- in her childhood has come out to indulge again.
I highly prefer the Revlon lipstains more because they last longer since they are less watery, the colors are prettier, and I absolutely love the balm that comes with on the end. The Covergirl ones are more watery and take longer to dry.
And they all smell so good! Not an overpowering scent, just fresh and a bit fruity. And as a person who is sensitive to strong smells so much that I can get headaches from them, trust me, these are pretty good.
I mean, I have read tons of reviews of complaints about dry lips, markers drying out, color being too dark. And yeah maybe, but I guess some idiots don't understand that with lipstains, with the exception of Mac Pro Lipstain, they need a balm to go over it for moisture. I haven't had the problem with drying out markers, but we shall see about that. And as for the color being too dark, well just don't color it in so dark. Really now, all it takes is a light splash for a good and clean daytime look and for evening, just darken. Duh idiots, need I say more?
My absolute favorite one is the Revlon Passion color. It's a fun pink, and as we all know I love pretty in pink lipsticks. Seeing as my skin is an extremely fair and light color, I would say most dark lipsticks make me look much older than I really am. But with these I don't need a lot, just a little color and I'm good to go.
I am still a somewhat tomboy so sometimes lipsticks still get on my nerves, I hate the feeling on my lips and often the taste. Not to mention the constant re-application seeing as how they come off and stick onto everything, not cool. As for glosses, I love them but come on, we all hate how sticky they are, especially with the wind blowing and your hair down. Oh, and it's not a nice thing to have on your lips especially if you want to kiss someone. Not cool. Haha, but these stains are amazing. For now at least, until my mind wanders off and finds something else to obsess and rant about.
Oh! And I almost forgot. Since I have been coloring my hair a lot lately (I just colored my hair again last Friday, but I plan on doing so after a couple weeks seeing as how the red made it lighter than what I actually wanted. I really just wanted a rich chocolate brown color), I have definitely worried about the quality of my hair. Thus, I purchased Pantene ProV Color Preserve- Smooth shampoo and conditioner. Well I have only used it twice, and oh my god, let me tell you, utterly astonishing and amazing! My hair never felt better. It claims to give moisture and repair damage, and I may be a sucker, but my hair doesn't feel as dry as before. In fact it is quite soft. Huzzah!
Oh god, this all sounds like a review on products. But with better commentary I would hope hah. I am actually surprised at myself for expressing such an entry seeing as how I do not normally detail materialistic objects. Hmm.
I guess even though I am a slight tomboy, within a girl there is always a girly side. And I have seriously been particiating in massive consumerism lately, so I had to rave about it somewhere. These products were just so fun and good that I had to archive this good feeling, naturally. (:
Update**
Okay, these lipstains do dry out your lips. So beware and be sure to moisturize!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Further Hence
Uh yep, I think this is approximately the 3rd week and I am still waiting for it to kick in.
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