Oh, She May Be Weary..

I feel so dead inside.

8.5

Ugh, from the inside out, my entire body hurts.

One More Time

Cut, suture, close.

Tired

I'm so tired of trying and caring so hard everyday with and for every extension of me- going above and beyond to meet every high expectation of me. I'm so tired of "this" life. So tired of thinking, feeling, caring; so tired of being crazy, paranoid, and emotional. I'm not doing it anymore, any of it. I'm done. It's just going to be "my" life from now on until my light gets back to burning gem-like hard, my protective bubble encasing. Anything else is just too exhausting. I need to get rid of all the metaphorical excess dead weight in my life. I need to retreat, to repair rather than continue my pattern of skilled ruin.

Official, Off-This-All, Off-It-All

I'm so done with this. What was I thinking? I guess it's just because I hate giving up. Sigh, whatever. I gave it my all. I'm tired of all these circles and never getting anywhere. The reality has already presented itself and I just need to decide and commit- yeah, the one thing I'm horrible at. But I'm so over all of this and fully moving forward with everything else going on in my life at present. I need to, I won't survive if I don't. I don't need to be dealing with any residual nor excess dead weight. I'm done with this, done with you. I shouldn't have to try any harder than I already do to stay in your life. It's clear that you have not much to say to me. It's clear that it's all beyond repair. So I'm just calling it what it is. I'm trying to maintain and preserve a friendship that doesn't exist anymore. I tried, and you didn't reciprocate the same way. I get it. If you want to talk to me, that's fine (thought I'm banking on that you won't), but I won't actively try to seek you out and be a friend anymore. I'm trying to keep whatever friendship we have left, I'm trying. But I can't do it alone, and I won't anymore. Because there's really nothing left.
And I'm tired.