A Thousand Regrets

The stupidity of soft-heartingly giving in is one of the worst involved sentimentally impulsive decided, cannot be yielded or helped actions of which you can never take back or erase that will negatively haunt and stay with you always.

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Poison

Heartache, chestbreak, seeping sadness, reluctant loss, ten fold stabbing winded stings, murky worst thought contemplation, bittersweet- inevitably overwhelming regretful memories, all of which never possibly leave forever and vanish as much as you wish, they're all virile poisons slowly trying desperately to weaken the body, if you let it. The hardest honest quest in life is not letting it all consumingly permeate your bloodstream, allowing it to reach your internal depth of heart and soul- the light which earnestly is the sole eternal thing that can really pull you out of the dark place and save you. This fucking annoying and simultaneously reaching mission is the every day loathed yet unrelentlessly necessary objective of life. So keep moving forward, no matter what, I beg of you please. For this is the only way I am to rise above the bullshit such turmoil drags into sea. The perpetually uninvincible, dumb, hurt gained is not worth it.

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Nothing More Or Left To Say

Thank you, for making it so much easier.

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But Surely

Even slowly, even with my too sensitive eyelids and skin, even with my false embraced gravity and lowly grey overcast demeanor, I will, count on it, get there. Brokeness is not a fault nor vice or impeding flaw. I refuse to fail. Never ceasing trial banishment. Let it be known, and so be it.

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Mistake(s)

Forget all that 'irrationalism' it was ridiculous. Nothing even matters, it's all over and done with. I now on the sideline just look pathetic and weak, and that is so not me in its full form. I'm better than that, genuinely so much, regardless of my own earnest disbelief and truly shielded from the world self-esteem. Yet, I am who I am, and I would not have it any other way. I so love who I am. Even if I am so fully timid at heart. It doesn't matter. Nothing does. I need a so helpful inner transcendent strength to rise, something, I feel it, it's just incapable of being fully articulated. But I refuse to be concluded as fully inable as I sound and come off. Whatever it is, I need to stop coming off as so pathetic, even as I read my own words, I take in someone who is so small. I'm so much greater than that, regardless if I completely believe it or not yet. I am destined for greatness, and some day, I will completely see it for myself.

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Clear Dust

Pathethic and so incapable and useless, if I knew me I would just kill myself and disappear. I wish I just would.

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Pathetic 1A.M. Tribulations

Yet, I can do nothing but shake my head, cowardly and unable to truly and bravely, openly, divulge and reveal the truth which seemingly at this present resides. I am on this beautiful island on vacation and yet, am so ultimately flawed. I wish I could just die and cease to exist.

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Stone Cold Fox- True Blue Dumbass, Yes, Me

Yep, and now to walk alone on the remote sole 1a.m. beach. Stellar right?

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Truly Reluctant; Yet, Really Desired Fiction, Not

Punctures, sores, steamingly hot drops; feigned, lived and thoroughly felt, too regretted emotions.

The perpetually thrashed,unwillingly broken, all in line and hindsight.
Albeit unwished, inpenetrable, that which never, ulteriorly, thus reluctantly, bared rough and so weak heartbreakingly honest and benevolent chanced. Thy too unwanted misfortune's doomed and damned fool. So be it unfoldingly all. Separation's inescapable ill fate. I'm sorry, I love too much. And wish had I never so faithfully succumbed.

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Cold, Gun Metal

What, do we (painfully, absurdly, stupidly, reckessly, dumbfoundly, all too damagedly) not know each other anymore? Love is a too relentless fallacy.

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Oahu

I'm in the most beautiful place in the world, and I don't want to be alive.

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Validity

I need severe help. To keep me from wanting to die everyday.

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In Dreams

I sleep to escape, but now my subconscious is turning on me. Remembering the impulsive outburst of actual subconscious sobbing, so much that I still feel everything radiating through my entire chest; even in dreams, I still feel heartache.

But the dreams are so much sweeter that I would rather still remain locked in my subconscious.
I crave a time that has never existed. Who knew that was even possible?

Keep

Keep moving forward. Keep ignoring whenever particular thoughts still seep through and into my mind. I just need to continue doing so.
I'm stronger than this. Keep at it without a second thought or linger.
Because one day, I won't miss him or think about him anymore. And everything will be just like before, as if nothing ever happened.

Tyler H.

Man, I remember in high school I used to love this guy. Haha, yeah you can tell I went through a major acoustic phase in high school with the songs I am re-listening to. (went through a dashboard confessional, john mayer, jack johnson, etc.) Kinda bummed out that he's not more well known, but he's still great in my book. His voice and his music is just feel good. It still gives me the warm and fuzzies with a sweet sentimental good heartache whenever I listen to him. But I only like his acoustic versions, I don't like all the other added instrumentally produced sound, just his voice and his guitar is what I love. Aw sweet guy.
Here are a couple favorites, but I'm only going to post one. I'll list the others.



Check out: Up Late Again, Glad, You My Love, That's How Love Should Be, and When It Comes. Pretty sweet sappy songs, but they're ones you shouldn't decide to live without.

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Stills Love Circa 2003

They're one of my all time favorite bands as well. Listening to them always makes me feel better too. I love this one and the fact that they're singing in French. The words sounds so scintillating as they seem to roll of the tongue. I secretly really want to learn to learn French so badly. (Felt this way for years now, one day I will)

Their sound is so great. It's mellow yet rockstar. You can see why I love them.

Scale

Keep a level head. Don't let it get to you. Don't let it in; leave the past where it belongs.

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Discovered Freshness

Casey Dienel- amazing.--> Winter Hinterland- awesome. You know me, a sucker for a jazz-like quality sensation. Casey Dienel was (she is no more) more jazzy, but transferred and collaborated White Hinterland has a differently phenomenal sound as well one all of their own. It's jazz and bass beats/folk meets electronics. It's quirky, but not. It hits, but it sails smoothly. It's melancholic, but slighted and thoroughly proportioned fun. Pretty tight if you ask me, but definitely for the more eccentric-sided ear. You have to be in the mood for it. Check her out, check em out.

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Obsession

I don't know why, maybe it's because I have a Pretty in Pink obsession (along with an 80s movies one at that- among other dominant preoccupations), but every time I hear this song it puts me in a good mood. I just love it, there's something about the stirred up nostalgia it evokes. Not to mention, it doesn't hurt that OMD is pretty, really, great. Holla.

Monday Blues

Yeah, I know it's technically Tuesday right now seeing as how I am 46 minutes late, but I just got lazy getting to my trusty laptop. Anyway, today after work I took a minor detour to Barnes & Noble's. I know I said I wouldn't buy any more books until I finished the 20 I have yet to read on my bookshelf and in my drawers (my tiny room ran out of space), but I just couldn't help myself. An opportunity presented itself and it didn't help that I really needed a pick me up. Plus, I haven't indulgently purchased in a long time, I have been fairly good in the consumerism enabling, so I deduced for myself that I slightly deserved it. So I bought 4 new books. Huzzah. Also, on the way home I decided to stop by the grocery store and did a bit of chocolate shopping. Haha, yes I am a chocolate addict as well among other labels and persona's. So yep, pretty good pick me ups for the day.

Love Ode And M. Cyrin

You all know how much I love the Pixies. Well check out this amazing piano cover. Dolla fo a holla.



And how much I love Arcade Fire.
.

I know right? Both utterly Amazeballs.
And in case you haven't put two and two together, check out Maxence Cyrin's sensational piano covers. He is amazing and makes the cacophony, ambiance, emotion, and depth resonate so beautifully. Check him out and you'll understand exactly what I mean.