First

I have a first date tonight. With you.
Yep, kind of freaking out a bit.
I feel sick to my stomach. I feel like throwing up.

Update** Sunday Jan.9th, 9pm
So, the date went really really well.
But now I'm scared that once he finds out how truly messed up and damaged I am, that he won't be interested anymore. Or that he'll get scared off and run. (I'm even scared that he has already lost interest- seriously all this super insecurity is really not attractive, good thing I'm good at hiding things. I had to get that off my chest though- you know I always feel better after I write.)

So he said he wanted to read my blog and poetry project (pretty bad poetry if you ask me- the few I have attempted), and as we all know, both are personal as hell. I told him no and he got slightly butthurt. The thing is, I wouldn't have such a problem with it if I wasn't so scared of him finding out all of my buried secrets and deep rooted issues. This is why my blog is anonymous because it's more liberating and it gives more courage to say whatever without worrying about what others will say. As you can clearly conclude, this blog is completely filled with an erratic roller coaster of heavily emotional chaos. Though more and more of my friends are finding out my blog, but surprisingly it's helping me adjust and become more open. But it's still a bit freaky.
My words say it all.

Update** Jan 10th. 4:30pm
By the way, I think you got me sick. Thanks a grip, really. (sarcasm not to be ignored)