Universal Fate?

With every action there is a reaction, with every occurrence there is always something new to follow. Everything runs in cycles and it all follows a chain of reactions that fluctuate between action and reaction- they're interchangeable. But I digress, So I wanted to divulge that, with the new school year coming up, it's given me a surge of new hope. And I feel that this year is going to be good. I love change- that's probably the reason for my change in mood; every time a change happens it creates a high for me.

I strongly believe in the universally acknowledged phrase, "everything happens for a reason."

And I've got to tell you. At this point, I really and truly believe in it. And I'm so happy for that and so grateful. Thank god for that. (I'm not in any way religiously associated with God, if anything I'm Buddhist, but I overuse that phrase a lot)

Yes, last week I was crushed to find out that he, whose name shall not be mentioned, would not be in two of my upcoming classes in fall. (Coincidentally we had picked the same classes so ended up with 2.5 classes together) But something happened which made it so that he wouldn't be taking those classes. And really. All I've got to say is, thank god for that. At the time I was bummed out, but now after everything that has happened (I know it's still comically twisted how so many fucking things can happen in just a week or for the matter of minutes- whatever a short time can be defined as), I am relieved because I hate going backwards (which probably explains my fight or flight mentally, most days more so flight mentality) and this actually gives me a fighting chance to really start a new this time.

Everything does happen for a reason unfortunately and yes, regardless of whether we prefer it or like it or not, but in this one case it is fortunate. And I may have not known it at the time, I am filled with relief and gratitude. The things that we want aren't what are necessarily good for us and the discourse of things do suck, life isn't fair. But with every stumble there is ultimately a silver lining. Huh, spoken like a true eternal optimist huh. Well my unrelenting innate trait of hopefulness can't be helped. It is a part of my very essence. I believe in balance in the world, although most times it seems that life is too cruel and that it's more stumbles and mishaps than good things that will hopefully balance out the bad. I already know that things always do get better, they have to. I also take the much needed time for everything whether it be venting or wallowing. Everything needs its own time. Even when I'm on the verge of pure depression and clearly completely overwhelmed and consumed with despairing emotions, I always know things will ultimately get better, it's just the in between transitional period that is unbearable. Everyone needs their moment. Even if it's a bad one.

(I still don't know why I always seem to feel like I have to explain myself still after all this time, I really need to try harder to not do that and not care what others are going to think. Afterall, you don't know me personally in terms of face to face contact. But I guess I do it to clarify to you all that I'm not a dumbass like those naive girls out there that overreact and make the slightest detail into a big deal. But in result, I just end up repeating myself over and over again. Not good. will work on it.)

It's my process. 1. Get stunned- slight emotional breakdown; 2. Process (the literal image in my mind when I try to describe it to others is like a mechanical wheel turning, almost like the inner-workings of a clock)- the way my mind works is that it works things through in my mind and breaks then down logically for a resolution- it's my fierce self-preservation that I love- it's what makes me able to get over things as quickly as I do or not take things in as life-altering or destructive that normally other people wouldn't be able to; 3. Take the time needed- whether it be wallowing or struggles to repress, usually just a day or two for me and then I feel dumb and move on; and last but not least, 4. Get over it- by just continuously moving forward and telling myself that I can. It's a strong mental thing that I do.

Whatever I do, I always move forward, it might take some work, but I know what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. (I know I know, I'm filled with overused cliches) Again, you can't be sad all the time. (Yet most people would prefer to just dwell, I'm not one of them- it actually sickens me to dwell. My opinion, when it comes down to it, what has happened already happened and there's nothing you can do about it but to just get over it and move on)

Again, you have to have something to believe in right? Or else what's the point of anything?