Awake

It just hit me. Neighbor, yeah I'm talking to you, I think we were both using each other in place of something else, though we would've never admitted it. And it all just got to be too much; it got out of hand. No more mess, drama, fallacies, theatrics, or expectations any longer. I had turned into someone who wasn't me and who I don't like. But this isn't happening anymore. Even if you don't care, I can't help but still do and I know I always will. You're worse than I am when it comes to strings and even more restless. How did I get so small in your eyes? We've reached an impasse. And yes I do miss you, but that's irrelevant. It's all irrelevant and doesn't make a difference now- everything. Now that I know you're okay (but you always are right?), I'm letting you go, really this time. I'm not going to think about you anymore. Yet please, do take care of yourself and be safe. And now I can just continue to disappear into the background like I was never really there- I don't think I ever should've really been there to begin with. It was a fairly good experience to keep. I think it's honestly more so about the loss of something great than the actual situation at hand that has me really hung up, but again it doesn't matter anymore. Now I can really move forward without any underlying factors or back of the mind thoughts hindering me. No more sulking and no more feeling bad. I'm done with past sentiments and am fully embracing the control of positive outlook for the future and a fresh start of acceptance- my optimistic future, my terms now.