Lack Thereof

So we all know how I have really been having a hard time for these past couple months and the moods are still lingering at times.

I really didn't want to get out of bed today, but I did anyway.
Where do I even begin? I'm just going to play by play it as this had occurred earlier in the day and my steam for articulation and description has definitely worn off.

I told my mother today after she mentioned my lack of motivation for any sort of activity lately, "I'm still having issues."

She replied with, "Don't give me that excuse (that's her credo by the way to everything- every incident, accident, things beyond your control or in your control, anything), yeah you've been having these 'issues' for a year now."

Are you kidding me? A year? Oh if she only knew. It has taken me this long just to actually accept my major personality and chemical flaw. The incredible thing is, she sees every single fucking mark on me in the way mothers see everything, ever since I started in 3rd grade (yeah, another story for another time- though I've already discussed it long ago in a previous entry); yet, almost refuses to relate the distinction and possible enabler. She speaks as if it's just so easy to find a cure and be fine. As if just mentioning it will completely expunge the damage done.

It never ceases to utterly astound me just how great the gap really is between generations are or just how little understanding people possess. And it's all too heartbreaking when those closest to you have no clue or realization at all about the things that you really cannot control.

But then again, we all know just how afraid everyone really is of realness. Everyone chooses to be oblivious just because it's easier. No one can ever handle the mess.

People really just don't get it. Though we speak, we still have yet to find a link in and to productive communication.