Post-Post

Well, that changes things doesn't it.

I just wrote this long ass entry. And now I don't know if I should publish it. I just want to distance myself again, push everything away again and put all my walls back up. I may definitely be overreacting right now, in fact I most probably am, but what the hell was I thinking? I can't allow myself to get into any position to get hurt again, I can't take every time it happens anymore. As I am getting older, I am seriously losing my skill for resiliency. Damn. I wish I were normal and everything didn't hurt as much. I hate how things can take a spin for the worse in an instant. And I hate how easily I cry about everything now. I don't like feeling so crushed, but I feel it all the time. I'm trying to just go with the flow, but I can't. With love, that's just not me. I need to have a plan for everything, all of the time. Or else I can't take it. I need to have a plan to protect myself from everything, all the time.

What the hell is wrong with me? I know, everything.