It's Been Knocking At My Door

"Just breathe, relax, and let it in. Because being afraid of happiness is complete nonsense." Right?

It's been knocking at my door for quite some time now, but I've chosen not to answer or consider it. Most of the time, I try to follow my instincts and intuition, while letting things naturally take their courses to unravel themselves. And it is completely true when they say, when you're not looking for anything, that's when something finds you.
I feel like I'll naturally answer it (whatever it is or may be), when everything in my body's entirety feels right. And I mean everything. I'll know when it's really the right time because I won't be filled with under-sided lingering thoughts, doubts, and uncertainties- everything that is a flare up warning that it/something is not right. But what I will be filled with, will be solely butterflies. Butterflies, rather than wormy caterpillars.

So, thus I'm a bit hesitant to dedicate an entry to this for fear of jinxing something, but why not?
I have a sort of, casual first date tonight. I am instinctually, and obviously, going to take things really really slow, slowly (used slowly not slower on purpose) ever than before. Part of me, being the control freak I am, is hesitant and fighting the urge, as always of course, to flee the other way back into my comfort zones. Am I ready yet? I don't know. I quite possibly might be. But how will you ever know anything if you don't face your fears and at least try? You can't lose if you never play the game. But, you can't ever win either.

What does make this one slightly memorable enough for this blog is, after nearly 9+ months of chosen non-interest and non-involvement, I am actually, quite easily, allowing myself to see where this one goes. So that means something coming from me. I don't know what, but it's something different I suppose.

This time I am going into this without any judgments or expectations, and with an open heart. So, we'll see what happens. Because whatever happens, happens. And at least we'll all know.