The strangest thing. I was just going through the motions of my day today when a thought hit me. (As most of my revelations do tend to just hit me quite suddenly, that's the only way to have a full on epiphany right?)
It doesn't hurt as much anymore. Actually, it's barely there. Isn't that wonderful? It's more so just bittersweet now and that I can handle because it's not attached to longing for what was but it's more so associated with it was nice and now it's over and good that it's over. Even when I listen to music that reminds me of him it doesn't hurt like it did before. There's just a faint acknowledgment of what once was. But no pain that used to come in waves throughout my whole body that radiated from my chest outwards. Now they're just familiar good songs. I don't know the cause for this new start but often times I have to be hit by things suddenly to get it or more so get over things. (Once you make up your mind it's easy right?) But even so, it doesn't hurt as much anymore and I don't feel as much anymore. It's almost barely there. (I said almost, I didn't say it was all gone) I mean it's still slightly there, but I can feel it dissipating. This is good. So good that I felt I just had to share and archive this feeling of transformation. The process has started. Finally. (I just hope I don't relapse. Let's all hope. I never want to let you hurt me again.)
Could it be because of the immense amount of energetic cosmic change around me that I'm gladly feeding and thriving off of?
I feel like I'm finally starting to be okay. Returning back to my recluse ways that have always been my comfort resort. I feel like I don't need anything and I'm content again. I don't feel like something's missing and I also don't feel a great desire to gain something for what I think I'm lacking in. I'm okay with my current situations and state of mind. And I can't tell you how relieved I finally am. This is the feeling of liberation that I have been waiting for. To be finally free of the wounds that haven't been able to heal til now. I'm finally becoming the great person I once was and once was so proud of. Finally returning to my beloved nonchalant behavior and attitude. Because if you had mistaken me for someone who gave a shit, I'm someone who really doesn't and really doesn't want to.
This is so good.
This is great.
I feel like this is it.
I feel like I don't feel anything anymore.
I'm over you. So over you.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
dahling, i hope its not a rebound...you know like when you meet some1 new, you tend to forget the past for sometime.
oh no, i wasn't talking about having met anyone new or whatever. i was just speaking about myself and my state of mind. the energetic cosmic change meaning the air and environment around me, not a person. but i appreciate the concern.
Aaah! I hear u . M proud :D
Post a Comment