I hate how I feel so much like crying sometimes and that I never can. I wish so bad that I could cry physically so that some way it could somehow relieve the pent up and bottled up as well as repressed emotions that have been circulating within my body and my entire being and soul for so long. I hate that I am really ultimately so broken when it all comes down to it. I'm afraid that I'm so defective that it isn't possible for me to lead a normal and happy life let alone be around normal people. I find myself just curbing the truth and avoiding topics.
I'm so afraid to just let people in now. And I'm sorry that it's just so hard for me to do so. I don't think I know how to let people in anymore. I'm just so scared that I'll end up getting screwed over and hurt again. I don't think I could chance it again or have that happen again. I don't think I have that bit of hope in me anymore to be able to risk it all again.
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