Burned

My senses are in overdrive and I don't like it. I just want to crawl up and die. I feel like crying, couldn't manage to get myself out of bed today to go to work. My chest hurts and there's nothing I can do about it, literally. I'm not allowed to cut anymore, I 'promised'. Ugh. I'm so messed up, no wonder I can never get anyone to really consider and love me for real. I'm always going to be the 'right now' girl and never the 'right' girl, which is the only thing I ever want. I hate overreacting, but it's so damn inevitable. I don't even know if there is really anything clinically wrong with me anymore, I feel so silly all the time for playing in to dramatics. What if I'm really not 'depressed'? Then what the hell is going on? I feel so rejected all the time. Everything feels so far away. I wish I were so completely normal and never always alone. I feel like I have no right to ever feel this way because there are people out there in far worse than my unstable and emotional states.