Wow

Okay, I am not doing this with you, nor anyone else. I still maintain the fact that I really do not want to date right now. And thought we've only been 'talking' for less than 2 weeks, I need a break from you. I'm beginning to feel smothered. Perhaps this is my fault for being so extroverted.

I went into this 'talking' with indifference; it didn't matter if it went somewhere or if we stayed friends. You're a really nice guy, but the problem is that, you're the same age as I. I'm not trying to be somebody's mother and I definitely do not and refuse to baby people. I've always just related better with older human beings.

We grow older and mature for a reason. Life gets better with time. I'm searching for an intellectual equal. I am not the kind of person to spoon feed, sugarcoat, or hold anyone's hand; I'm not the sort of person to join in on the pity and sympathy of those who feel sorry for themselves. I gauge my empathy neutrally and logically as a whole rather than on superficial obstacles. I can only give advice and support so far, but I refuse to do your own heavy lifting for you. I told you, I am the kind of person to be there for people but not actually be there. I don't interfere nor preach. I have my own opinions but I still support and accept any endeavor people choose to execute. Everything about me is ultimately neutral and subjective. It's their lives, not mine.

As I want everyone to stop telling me, who or how I should be, or what I should or shouldn't do, I treat others how I would like to be treated. It's my life and my decision how to live it. Which is why I'm not going to tell you how to live your life even if others do. I'm not going to make your decisions for you. (and this entire entry actually applies to a lot of people out there in the majority)

Everyone has the capability to take care of themselves when they get to the age of a young adult. Stop sulking and do something about it then; stop being so goddamn pouty and clingy, you're sensitive and hurt feelings act is not going to work on me. In fact, it just repels me even more. It might work for others, but your act only works on an audience and you'll only be able to get away with it for so long. Take a look at the big picture. Maybe there's a reason why things have gone the way they have for you. When nothing has worked, stop blaming others and holding grudges, instead, look at your own actions to break it down and understand. Stop making up excuses and see things simply and neutrally for what they are.

There is a difference between actively trying to get over something and then passively acknowledging it. It takes more willpower and mentality than that. Constant sulking and whining is not going to get you anywhere. If at first you don't succeed, you fucking keep on trying and deal with all the stumbles and occasional ditches with strength. There can and probably will be quite a few relapses, but as long as you keep fucking trying to move forward, you're good. It's when you let yourself indulge in the exaggerated and pointless sulking that you start to become useless and ridiculous. Take the necessary impact period to completely wallow out your emotional trauma, but then after all that, friggen help yourself to move forward. Don't drag it out to your advantage. You can't gain respect from people if they're interacting only through pity and sad sympathy. Have some dignity and respect for yourself. That's no way to live a life.

I understand everyone takes things at their own pace, but you've got to actively want to try and learn how to help yourself. Don't just sit back and do nothing everyday, cultivate your fucking mind.

So I'm a 'mean' person, sure, if the definition of 'mean' is a lack of pity and sympathy. I have empathy, there's a difference. And I'm a very nice person. I just won't feel sorry and bend for those, who clearly are capable of themselves and are just using pity to gain an advantage. That disgusts me. Get over it already, it's so friggen annoying. None of this should be as any surprise, since I warned you about me already. I'm just fully real, what you see is what you get. Take it for what you will, I could care less.

I would never want anyone to feel sorry for me, why do some people encourage and seek that out? How can people really want to be seen and understood that way? Are you that starved for attention? Well, you won't get it from me.