Not Working

I usually try to put off going to the doctor's as much as possible for fear that something worse might arise within my systems. But today I feel utterly exhausted and like shit. And I worked up the nerve to actually tell my physician the truth, well, part of it.

I told him how there is definitely a difference between not being on my meds and being on them, but that I still get irritated a lot. I told him how I am tired all the time, regardless of how much sleep I do or don't get, and how lack of sleep has no part in my irritability. I told him how I still rise and fall with my moods.

We've all been witness, so can't deny that.

The good thing is, my liver, kidney, and thyroid are good. My blood pressure and heart rate is good as well. Yet, my blood count has dropped. But, I'm not anemic and I don't think I will be. So we've got to keep an eye on that.

On a side note, it hit us (me and my physician), that I have been on meds for almost a year and still there hasn't been much change. (oh shit, over a year in fact) He mentioned maybe I should try a different sort of medication because a year is a long time for a drug trial.

So I'm switching meds. He gave me a prescription to try out: Elavil. Can't say that I am excited or looking forward to this. For one, it is supposed to make me drowsy. I told him how I have a hard time sleeping because I can't turn my brain off. So he said this will help me get drowsy and fall asleep better. So we'll see.

He says it's an older medication. Newer meds have less side effects while older ones do, well for obvious reasons of scientific advances. But he says considering my symptoms and moods, maybe I need something older to counter whatever it is that I have.

I don't know shit about this Elavil at all, so I am going to need to do some extensive googling to cover my bases. He told me to stop taking Wellbutrin XL, I've got to wait a week for it to clear my system and then take the Elavil. But I do know I will have to really stop drinking alcohol. I need to stop drinking. So I am completely for that. Just hope my self-discipline will help me out.

Okay, I haven't mentioned this, but when I sleep, part of the reason I have a hard time falling asleep is because once I begin to drift off, my body stops breathing and so it reacts with a fidget to get me to remember to breathe. Yeah, not cool. This has been happening for quite some time. I literally forget to breathe sometimes.

So the doctor said I might be tired all the time because of hypoxia, my brain and body aren't getting enough oxygen. Makes sense. He mentioned that I might have sleep apnea. So he told me to have people check on me while I sleep to see if my breathing is consistent or not. Oh great. But that's not going to happen, who the fuck is going to check on my breathing? Lol, really? Oh well.

That's the least of my problems. I'm actually quite calm about everything, I just don't want to feel so hopeless anymore. I asked him about psychologist referrals and what not. So look at me being all proactive. I'll just have to see what my insurance covers. But hey, the new medication costs only $5.32 with my Co-Pay, whereas the Wellbutrin XL cost $15, pretty cool right? But those are the perks of older drugs, more side effects, less demand and less cost.

I'm just worried about what side effects I'll have because my body is so sensitive. So, again, we'll see.