Ready?

Alright I wrote this last night after an alarming phone call from my kindred genius literary spirit of whom I love entirely. She really gets me, the only one who really really, no I mean really, gets me. You know, who appreciates the whole 'art is never happiness' thing, you know, that well known tattoo picture? Yeah, none of my other realist friends will ever really understand, but okay that's not fair to say ever, but for now until they wish to understand- that's what i'mmaaaa say. Anyway, I don't really have an intention or motive or purpose for the matter of this entry. But hey I'll give you some of my unforeseen and adventitious thoughts without even asking for a penny.

There are things that seriously confuse me. Looking back and reviewing all of my turbulent entries- especially this past year- has made me wonder about the histrionics behind these fluctuating emotions. Because yes, life should be fairly simple. Or at least that's what we all want. Surfaces aside, tangibility, class, conveniences, advantages, and privilege, sure do fuck things up don't they? It completely blows my mind as to why the issues in my mind just continue to stir and stir. Technically, everything is fine and perfect. I've been born into so much fortunate opportunity and advantage, I appreciate it to no extent and don't take it ever for granted for a second, but what the fuck right? Why all the disorder? I mean, there are worse situations out there, so why shouldn't I be waking up smiling everyday? There absolutely should be no reason as to why I should be so masochistically indulgent, possibly alcoholic, borderline reckless, or on prescription meds. So why am I? Why is life never enough? I'm beginning to realize more and more that really, nothing is ever good enough, for anyone. It's a flaw of the human condition. We expect too much, we hope too much, we want too much. We live in a world of luxury and convenience that we don't know what it's like to just do what is necessary to live, rather we've turned it into a life that is completely discontent and unsatisfied unless it gets what it wants at that moment. When did we all turn into complete intolerant brats? What the fuck happened? right?

We got fucking lazy. (Think Pixar's Wall-E, I swear it's a genius warning and prediction, just like Water World, haha okay don't hate- that movie was great) We created everything to think for us, let ourselves become brainwashed into pattern and cycle- repeatedly throughout the decades, that now the majority doesn't even think to think. I see everyday people who already have these assumptions yet they cannot supply a reason as to why they think that way. Their answer being "just because, that's just how it is." Which is by far the dumbest and least plausible 'reason' ever possible. And then they get angry if you suggest anything different than what they are used to, but only because they're fucking scared of change. Everybody's chicken shit and when met with a force who is willing to execute, the executer becomes either a scapegoat or the black sheep. Congratulations world for being close-minded ignorant dumbasses. Okay, but I digress.

Anger is a self defense mechanism right? and people are all too afraid of anything different than what they are used to. People are afraid of change because it pulls on their comfort zone and poses a possibility of uncertainty. I'll never understand these people and how they are not even capable of letting themselves possibly be even the slightest bit open to opposing a normative ideology. Some people really just don't get it, we're not asking them to change. We're just asking for a small space for them to actually hear what we have to say and just be open and if not tolerant. They don't even have to accept it. Yet, they won't even slightly bend a little to consider a different idea and try to hear things from not just both sides, but all sides- that's all we ask- all perspectives because there aren't just two. We are after all '3 dimensional' correct? Hmm maybe they need to redefine the term to something actually pertaining to all dimensional? Are you following? If not, then read it again. Kay thanks.

Okay, next topic.

Do people really understand just how painful certain sensations they have never felt (given that everyone feels things differently) are? Or do they just accept it as merely overreaction and pettiness on a woman's part? (fuck that by the way, fuck the whole male population always having to reverse psychology turn negative all around and blame everything on the woman, fuck god and superiority complexes) Most people immediately judge, often times without being aware they are doing so- everyone's a hypocrite remember?- and it just turns out just so. They just take things for surface value.

(What the fuck, feel something right? jeebus, why is it so hard for people to just let them feel emotions we obviously possess all too powerfully? What's the point of living if you don't allow yourself to really feel everything life has to offer. Woah, did I just come to a breakthrough? I mean I've said something like this before, but I don't think I've ever thought it out completely and made it to the other side. Gotta love this whole blogging thinking analyzing evaluating process this whole writing thing provides yes? Anyway, how do you define living? Yeah sure, I might be fucked up, nahh definitely fucked up, and feel too much, but I think I've come to the conclusion that I would rather feel something, then nothing at all- no matter how painful and no matter how sometimes I wish I were a robot. This is the milestone in my life, this moment and this recognition. This is our life, my life, right here and right now. Isn't it our duty to make a mark any way we can? even if the mark is disastrous and dark/twisty? I suppose this is the reason to continue breathing/surviving because ending your/my life would be a waste and dumb right? (haha watch me change my mind next week, but I promise to try my hardest). But either way, you owe it to whomever decided to keep you and bring you into this god forsaken world right? even if it brought you into unfortunate circumstance, it doesn't matter- you're here. But, bleeding is different than dying. Physical pain is different than drifting away and we all do what we can. We all acknowledge that life is just too fucking hard sometimes, I guess that's why most people just choose to feel things halfway rather than the passionate maximum degree. But I understand because then everyone would be as crazy as I and you my kindred spirits. Yep.) Wow, look at me finally speaking about something important for once about the existential politics I so cherish. I haven't been able to do this in a long time. This is a big step. I've been able to write, obviously, but nothing about anything philosophical or really what I would consider to be spectacular or significant. My previous posts from when I had just began this blog- like 2009?- are so much more awakening and transcendent resembling.

This past year, everything has just been emotional crap after crap and really in all retrospect not at all important in relation to life and my life as a whole. These crazy episodes aren't going to even matter 5 years from now, that's how you can tell what's really important and what's not. Well that's how I gauge it. Although I may be too expressive and way too passionate and give off the impression of major theatrics, but really, what people don't understand or don't want to understand is true story, I get over things way too quickly. All they see is what's on the surface because that's what they only want to see- that I'm a crazy emotional wreck- which I am- rather than something more. There are so many other things that are more important and so much greater to believe in. (Philosophy, Politics, Enlightenment, in depth/intellectual/stimulating conversations, etc.- not dumb things like lust or who did what to whom because in the end, it doesn't matter right? wow, another possible breakthrough. You think all these crazy episodes are just me trying to create stimulation for life? If not, life is boring right? Okay, let's not even go there because that sounds really bad, but everything I do is self-contradictory so whatever, deal)

Alright, think about this. Most people in the world really don't understand the dynamics behind certain, I suppose I could or rather should? use the word 'craziness'. Are certain issues really that bad? But who's one to fucking judge right? when you're mind feels like it's about to explode, then you'd feel pretty serious wouldn't you? What you feel is what you feel right? You can't help feeling the emotions that surge throughout your body correct? Correct my friends.

Really, what the fuck is really real and what isn't? And why are we even having all these existential discussions? The crazy train just hit full force. Not. Or really?

And if you haven't found anything yet, then I really feel sorry for you. There is so much beautiful hidden depth the 'true world'- a term I refer to as my world, well not mine but the world I choose to see and believe it through all the crap. It's the world that keeps hope thriving and protects while shielding you from hopelessness. Hah, but I'll stop before I get into one of my transcendental discussions. So, why would you want to be a negative someone with no hopes and dreams? Aren't dreams and fantasies part of the fun?

Okay, topic switch.

Craziness aside, I remember having a conversation with one of my great friend's over drinks at dinner last week and we sort of got into a conversation about human beings and how their minds think.

I say people can roughly be divided into two categories. (other categories and labels aside- but oh my god let's not get into that conversation now hah)
-There are the people who go far back as to break down the foundation of why a person acts the way they do or is the way they are- to really understand what's going on because they want to. These are the people who look at situations from a larger sphere; they take in the entire picture and then some while at the same time thinking more than just outside the box.
-And then there are those who just don't even have the slightest consideration or consciousness to try to understand or want to know the reasons behind things that have the appearance of absurdity. These people don't even have a clue- even when they think that they do, they really don't. Once they make up their minds, that's it. These are the people who come off as entirely unfathomable to me as to why they wouldn't want to understand things through and through. They may occasionally want to make the wheels in the mind spin a bit, but overall they only go as far as just a little behind the surface. They just wade their feet in the water while the other category either fully submerges or immediately jumps in.

But occasionally these two do blur once in a while and there are many underlying factors that should be accounted for, but for now this is all I have. Yet, I don't think the two ever completely merge; I don't see how it's possible. Unless there's a realization and an understanding involved regarding self improvement I suppose. These are things that make up who a person is regardless if they're positive quality traits or not.

Hmmmmm, some mind food for thought eh? How does your brain feel?