Psychiatry

Alright, I think it's already clear to me as well as everyone else that I do in fact need to go seek out further counseling for my craziness. But one major thing that is hindering me from affirmative action is, how the hell is it supposed to help me? I've worked out everything in my head over and over and over again for years, understanding the why and the breakdowns behind the reasons of reasons. But how the hell is it supposed to heal me? How the hell is me speaking to a complete stranger about my entire life (tempting as that sounds), "working through them" yet again (believe me I have no problem going through the motions of why I am the way I am, it isn't about my lack of expression), supposed to in fact help me? Are psychiatrists magical superheroes in disguise? I know their trained in a specific way, but what of it? What can they tell me that will help me with myself? What can they tell me about myself that I haven't already registered in my mind about myself already over and over and over again? What can they give me? What? A fake sense of reassurance and security? Fix my highly apparent abandonment issues even though I already am so acclimated to being alone and self reliant? Give me some sense of real, physical, and substantial support? Completely expunge from my heart and mind every little thing that has ever hurt me, still bothers me, and of which continues to weigh in my chest constantly every day? Enable the ability to make me stop worrying and thinking about everything all the time? Turn off my brain? 'cause god oh how I'd love that so that I may be able to have some peace of mind and soul. Confiscate away the fact that I feel so damn empty and hollow all the time? How the fuck is that supposed to happen? You can't fucking rely on a shrink that way, it isn't real.