Dunno why, but I've been riding at a confusingly clouded and erratic high 8.5 and at times 9 for the past 2 weeks, barely capable of breathing in normally. I've been able to ignore it for the majority, but creepers do creep. Am-right?
And then out of no where, I quickly feel the brink of tears rush. Let this be known that this odd 'situation' is happening almost all the time now with continued increasing enabling. What a crap shoot. Yet I have to admit, it is very astonishing, considering my tear duct handicap quality I've possessed for since ever. No clue as to why my body chooses now to fully embrace these physical responses of which are supposed to be so usually triggered by emotions. It's kind of weird, almost anything even remotely sentimental or tragic, beautiful or whatever, whatever or whatever, and I quite fastidiously and too possibly tear up.
Is this supposed to mean something? What the hell right? For this to happen to a girl who has always been one of the guys, it's quite supernatural. This cannot be all attributed to the fact that I have and am becoming more and more feminine within the past year. Right? I don't know.
Either way, it's strange. Not cool, at all.
It makes me feel even more abnormal and different than I already am. I mean who tears up from a cacophonous beautiful verse or a bittersweet on screen moment? or even a barely there occurrence of pure truth or melancholy? Or anything I perceive to be honest/genuine/perfect/etc., anything, that seems to reach and get to me for the matter. Utterly unfathomable. Who gets like that?
Oh right, yeah.. Me.
I don't know what else I've gotta do. I've been running (figuratively and physically- heyyy yaaa gym) and openly facing these ghosts through thorough thought process and contemplation rambling on blog, so what other options are there? I mean, I think I've pretty much accepted my passionate personality from the get go and it's just a matter of time before I become fully acclimated to the emotions and reactions that go hand in hand with my nature and of which are finally catching up with the rest of me. It was just a matter of time right?
So what to do? Yeah yeah, I know. The only option there is- keep moving forward. Bleh.
Spotlight
- mynameisjane
- hi, with warning. i am entirely damaged and crazy with masochistic tendencies and an addictive self-destructive personality. but i am in the trials of self-recovery- though thoroughly failing in the process, here's to hoping- one day- someday. in form of pure tried articulation of the written word, this space keeps the highly erratic and darkly emotional self reflection of my contemplative life with bits of sunshine scattered in between. i am a mess; i absolutely create disasters and inevitably fuck everything up. so decide if you are one who actually thinks and chooses for his own mind or one who is fated to predestined cowardice, forever running away like the rest of the narrow minded sheep in this world and unable to embrace the violent and bittersweet storm of harsh realness.
1 comment:
I use to never consider myself a girlie girl nor a tomboy, just somewhere inbetween however for the past few years I have noticed I have become far more sensitive and emotional like proper girls shall we say. Girls will be girls huh.
Post a Comment