Just A Meaningless Word

Fuck family. Fuck bloodlines. Fuck traditional Chinese familial piety and duty. I don't even have what you would call a real family. We fake it for appearances and pretend to be what we're not. All they care and understand are only the things on the surface, they don't understand what I care about. That I care about the internal morals, ethics, and principles- what a person is truly made of inside. This shit doesn't even register to them as something greater for life. All they see is surface, they don't even understand about the essence of a person. They only see surface and then judge from that. They don't care to try to understand the reasons behind the surface- the why behind the why.

All you see is surface, what's on the outside- the physical things I do to pass my time. And even all that is barely skimming the actual destructive and reckless nature. All you see is that I'm massively careless, clumsy, and rebellious. And then you judge with criticism and without accepting. I get it, that it's easy to judge based solely on what you see. Everyone else in the majority of the loathesome and annoying population seems to do so as well, so I suppose why not you guys too. What is so wrong with people that no one can even begin to register that everything has a root; that all things always begin somewhere first before they develop into something else, they only see the end result. People are blinded by their own brainwashed ignorance. They never ask or begin to even think to even consider how the effect came to be. You don't even understand that everything I do goes far deeper, so much deeper than anything the surface could ever touch. And you're part of the problem tearing me further into bits and pieces.

I'm so sick and tired of all this bullshit. Having raised myself and never had anyone around (solely supporting a person materialistically is not raising someone, I appreciate it entirely for never wanting for anything and never take for granted how lucky I am, but you can't claim to have taken care of someone if you haven't actually been there physically and emotionally for someone), I'm finally fed up and done trying to keep mine together. I'm a family first but without a family to first to. We're so broken and internally fucked up that the only reason we put up with it is because we have to for appearance sake, because we're blood bound. I've written a countless number of drafts regarding my family life, but I have never really been able to publish. Here's the short version. The word family is a word that doesn't mean anything. At least they got the waterworks working for me entirely from my irate frustration when they're usually never reliable.

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