Maturing Backwards

I swear, sometimes my mother is so juvenile I often wonder who is the child and who is the parent. I probably haven't said it enough before, but my parents are overtly critical, especially about looks, and say things in ways that can be said in a better and more approachable way.

Let me share something ridiculous that happened just this morning.

For my usual make up regime, all I do is apply pencil eyeliner to the top and bottom of my eyelids and then a coat of mascara. Filling in the spaces of my too short eyebrows are a given. I don't ever put "make up" make up or foundation on my face unless it is a special event. All in all, I would say that my look is more than fairly natural for I feel that my face cannot take a lot of make up because it makes me feel like a clown.

So all my life I have been sort of a tomboy where I get along better with the guys and what not. I would be the girl in the dress running around all mischievous with the guys while being told to "act like a girl". (bought into missed up ideologies of course) And therefore all my life ever since I was old enough to consider the superficiality and materiality of looks, my mother has always wanted me to put make up on because "it would make [me] look better."

Real great for the self esteem when you're a young child growing up in shallow ass Southern California right?

Anyway so my mother likes light prettily colored eyeshadows. And don't get me wrong, I love them too, but I have already gone through my colorful eyeshadow phase when I used to play around and experiement with different applications. Now I have come to develop my own look and understand my own preferences to the way I am most comfortable looking and knowing when I feel what is my best.

So ever since I stopped wearing eyeshadow often, she has been telling me that she wants me to put on eyeshadow because she thinks it will look better. But I don't want to.
And so today was no different from other days.

Except when she really stressed just how much she didn't like my application method. She emphasized just how much she hated my look and that it made me look so so ugly. Gee, thanks mother.

I blatantly, yet politely of course, refused and defended my own confidence in my own choices. I'm 21 for god's sake. (I usually do the same, but for some reason whether it be circumstances from menopause or just have a really immature mother, it created a rift in the morning air)

And all of a sudden she threw a fit. You know those motherly fits where they use the weapon of torturous raked guilt known as the silent treatment with the look of a thousand unhappy deaths.
She just stopped talking after I told her no and that my simple eyeliner and mascara was what I preferred and came to be comfortable with because I liked the contrast it gave my pale skin. I think that is when I look my best. I feel that colored eyeshadow just obstructs the light and dark contrasts and the naturalness my face can only seem to take. I am old enough to understand and have confidence in myself. It has taken me a long time to come to where I am now, and I am still not whole.

And so she just fell silent. Actually she kept silent and gave me a burning disdainful look and then ignored me.
And I even tried again, as I often do after she gives me the immature silent treatment which I can never serve back to her because of the dutiful daughter situation. And as I politely tried again to get a lighthearted morning response to her, she remained silent.

What a bunch of bullshit.

So I just calmly replied in Chinese (loosely translated of course), "So you're that kind of person." And left to go about my day. (for might I add I was having a spectacular morning; happy friday it is indeed and I guess I woke up on the right side of the bed today even though the other side is pinned up against the wall)

I mean she's almost 51 years old and she's still acting like this. I don't know why there's always a naive and ignorant China/Taiwan complex that always happens from people who have not grown up or grown accustomed to the ways of another place. (Probably because of the systems that they are governed by, I mean China even banned youtube) It's a freaking shielding massive bubble complex.

But at least with these small rifts that do happen come quick reprieves that too soon knock us back into normal routine allowing things to be as if a conflict had never even occurred in the first place.

Yep, so that was my morning. Sometimes I hate how I feel like I have matured way too quickly than I should have. But the truth is, I had to. It's not a pretty picture to paint, but reality never is.

Yet alas, it is indeed another happy Friday! Filled with loads of glistening possibilities for the wonderful weekend and dare I say future. Hope all of you are having a great day. Cheers lovers.