Ghosts Part Duex

So he called me yesterday night just out of the blue. I'll admit that I am happy- butterflies in my stomach happy; something I haven't had in a long time- but I am also hesitant. I don't know how much more I can take of me trying to let him go and then him resurfacing back in my life if he just ends up disappearing again. I mean he's that one for me. (mind you, I didn't say the one; there's a difference)

There are so many underlying complications and timing issues that are always in the way and this exception makes it no different. And I can feel myself hhaving hopes again when I fear that I really shouldn't for all the uncertainty that revolves around us.

And I am too scared to go into detail about the things on my mind for fear of yet again making a fool of myself out of something I should've never taken so personally.

I think I need to start giving the guys I blog about pseudonyms. It's getting to be confusing even for me as I occasionally review what I have written in the past. Well maybe this guy won't have a pseudonym, it doesn't feel right to label him in the same category as all the douchebag rest; his name is Stephen.

This is the first time I have ever truly revealed a real name in my blog. It's scary but strangely liberating at the same time. I've worked so hard to build and maintain all of my barriers of defense mechanisms that I'm scared to open myself up.

I had let him go, thinking that maybe he didn't care all that much for me as I had supposed. And then he re-emerges back somehow. And things are different and yet always the same. But at least now I have an inkling of how much he cares for me. I just have to decide whether or not to let myself believe it.

Anyway, so we shall see.