It wasn't that you didn't want anyone. You just didn't want me. So over this, I need to drop you like a bad habit and stop going back on my word, constantly changing my mind. There's no hope and I need to drill that into my brain. My heart is fucking everything up. I keep trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with you and why am I so stuck? I'm not full of myself, but I'm pretty fucking awesome, everyone sees that, but you don't see. And everyone we know, our bunch of mutual friends, tells me what a sketchy person you are, which is why you say you have no friends. But it's like I refuse to believe or accept the reality of it all, everything in front of my face that points to what a shady guy you are. But I still wanted you. Why am I stuck? Do I really like you or is it just my inner nurturer and want to help black sheep coming through? Was it because of the sex? How can someone like me want you? Is it just because I can't have you? But it all doesn't matter anyway.
Spotlight
- mynameisjane
- hi, with warning. i am entirely damaged and crazy with masochistic tendencies and an addictive self-destructive personality. but i am in the trials of self-recovery- though thoroughly failing in the process, here's to hoping- one day- someday. in form of pure tried articulation of the written word, this space keeps the highly erratic and darkly emotional self reflection of my contemplative life with bits of sunshine scattered in between. i am a mess; i absolutely create disasters and inevitably fuck everything up. so decide if you are one who actually thinks and chooses for his own mind or one who is fated to predestined cowardice, forever running away like the rest of the narrow minded sheep in this world and unable to embrace the violent and bittersweet storm of harsh realness.
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