Millisecond Missions Of Saving

Took an impulsive detour back when running an errand for work- I walked over to Barnes And Noble's Bookstore instead of driving straight back from the bank. I know, but hey, when something is calling out to you, you've got to do something about it. (I'm more about action rather than talk, and we all know just how impulsive I am) And I was having a really really really bad mood day. I wanted to smash everything. Everything. You ever feel like that? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about, where your face just holds them perpetual frown lines for a good permanence of time. Awful when you can't smash or break anything to appease the urge.

So I did something about it, this was probably long overdue.
The only thing that ran through my mind as I saw my sad and troubled reflection glistening back at me in the dimly tinted windows was, "Sanctuary." The moment I ran my hands against the big and textured wooden door handle and pulled the heavy weight into myself, I felt some sort of release, like maybe this is what I needed. (even though I have tons of books yet to read that isn't going to stop me, that just adds more lusciousness to my library to indulge and learn; hey- blame shitty consumerism brainwashed ideologies that just make us feel so damn good)

I at first disciplined myself with the intention of solely seeking out one book I have had on my mind. But then I went crazy.
Hey, I figured I'm saving up money anyway and am not planning on spending major or going out to someplace highly extravagant any time soon, so it really wouldn't hurt to pamper a bit.

But then I went really crazy. (I guess once you decide to give in and feel the guilt, you might as well go big or go home) Yet as always, the spendthrift guilt I unfortunately possess, quite easily soon melts away after the concluded and utterly satisfying acknowledgment of fantastic imagery is created and reinforced with just the thought and incredible excitement of being all too perfectly lost in and life-altered by these fabulously indulgent and perfect new portals of newly fresh escapism.

I figure, if you're going to commit to something (something I don't tend to like to to often), you should cover all bases, know and understand what you're getting yourself into. So you better fucking shut up and commit haha. Yes.

As I strategically choose which Fiction & Literature aisle and letter (later to be follow by Biography) to temporarily plant my bibliophilic essence and presence in, to completely examine every innovative title with the attentions they deserve, it is as if my drained energy and lost strength/stamina for life is slowly being retransmitted through incendiary, positively almost electrifying- but not to be forgotten invisible waves back into my core from an unknown yet all too welcomed unconditionally loving fountain source.

Utterly awestruck of even the unparalleled feeling I suddenly feel right now as I pour all my focus, motivation, heart, soul, passion, and positive mind into the descriptive elaborations of the story I am sharing. What had just started out as a quick and all too elementarily lackluster remembrance has suddenly turned into some transcendent restoration of self through free verse and flowing prose. Friggen awesome right? Even if these moments just last for moments, you enjoy it and live it for all it's worth and for all that you have. I don't have days remember? I have moments. And I take life moment to moment. It's the only way to survive, yes?

As of this moment I feel lighter and hopeful. As of this moment of course. We all know how quickly a millisecond can alter everything.
And for those who actually do regularly read the rambling and insanely rollercoaster up and down mood change stupid, crazy, sunny, dark, and twisty crap I write, thank you- really. It definitely does not go under-appreciated. It means a lot to me and your kind words you timely bestow are definitely taken to heart and not taken lightly. It's nice to know that in this world filled with the majority of annoying idiots and assholes that seem to contiguously worsen events, you can still possibly reach someone of whom you may really never even meet- ever, and not feel as alone as usual in a world which literally surrounds, no, crowds you with all too devastatingly fleeting people that we essentially could do without.

It's weird being the unfortunate and hopeless eternal optimist, because as absolutely low as you sink (yeah, trust me suicidal low is probably about the lowest you can get, if not feel free to correct me), there still is that innate cloud of promise, of which lingers over our heads, that there is still bright prospect for us yet and that we'll get it right one day, soon hopefully. I still can't shake the always in the back of my mind and set in stone conviction, whether I want it there or not depending on mood and though at times quite effectively repressed for the time being, that I still believe in the dream.

Oh! I got lost in my own thoughts again that I almost forgot! I left sanctuary with a purchasing of 6 new books. Huzzah for new additions to home libraries and print devotion that will never fade <3.