It's crazy how much I still miss you. You even dropped in on me unexpectantly the other day. It's crazy that I know I will probably always miss you. Given our relationship, it would be fiction not to. And we are definitely nonfiction.
But I'm trying to let go again. It's hard because I want to tell you everything that happens all the time and I know I can't. I almost just texted you again but I stopped myself from reaching into my SIM phonebook to get your number. I would have to do that because I have deleted your number from my cellular's phonebook in hopes of preventing further embarassing drunk confessions. Even though you don't ever seem to mind. I just can't really delete your number completely. I know.
I can't allow myself to do that to myself again. I know I can't keep letting myself get hurt over you time and time again. Stephen I miss you everyday and this sucks. Today is the first day I have actually allowed myself to really think about you, and it surprisingly aches really badly. I haven't allowed my heart to ache this badly ever since the last time I let it become punctured. I realize I have yet to archive what exactly happened while in Vegas, but in due time. Everything in due time.
Spotlight
- mynameisjane
- hi, with warning. i am entirely damaged and crazy with masochistic tendencies and an addictive self-destructive personality. but i am in the trials of self-recovery- though thoroughly failing in the process, here's to hoping- one day- someday. in form of pure tried articulation of the written word, this space keeps the highly erratic and darkly emotional self reflection of my contemplative life with bits of sunshine scattered in between. i am a mess; i absolutely create disasters and inevitably fuck everything up. so decide if you are one who actually thinks and chooses for his own mind or one who is fated to predestined cowardice, forever running away like the rest of the narrow minded sheep in this world and unable to embrace the violent and bittersweet storm of harsh realness.
1 comment:
I know exactly how you feel. I am in the same situation and it has been a year and I still miss the same guy and think about everyday. When night falls and the no one is around thats when it hurts me the most and thats when the missing bug creeps in and all I can think of at night is HIM. As horrid as it is to hear (because I have been told it countless of times) time really is the only factor to forget.
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