Get Off It

Okay, when I think about the short couple months we've actually hung out and gotten to know one another- the pseudo-sparkle period, hurt and pain are turning into anger. Which is a good thing. It's easier to hate someone and be angry than realize how naive you were. I trust too easily and I need to learn to be less naive. It's easier to stay angry at someone because the fury helps numb the part where you're hurting and missing. I just want to knock some sense into you, shake the shit out of you. I'm angry at myself for letting it happen to me, over and over again. But I'm not sorry that I live my life and take risks. You can't gain great rewards unless you're willing to actively take big risks. I'm not sorry that I'm the opposite of boring. I'm not sorry that I instinctively and innately never play it safe. It's utterly unfathomable how another human being can turn out somebody else's light, killing it, diminishing it slowly, until there's nothing left but a small glimmer of what was. But the fury will soon turn into a numbing loathsome nonchalance, which is the best part. And that's what I'm waiting for because when you're no longer irate or emotional, that's when you no longer really care.