I Feel Like Shit

This is so bad that it has begun a whole new process of slighted melancholy and ultimately made this supposedly fantastic week go from sunny optimistic to utterly awful despite my positive events to occur. It's so bad that I feel like I am literally walking around in a daze of awful with a black cloud right over my head like in those old zoloft commercials with the clouds and cute little emo bubbles. Remember those? What a way to make something that is primarily depressing into something cute and fuzzy.

I have even resorted to submerging myself in my world of classical music to try and make me feel better, but nothing I do seems to work. And it really really doesn't help that as I am growing oler, my emotions that are obviously tied in with my chemicals and hormone junk make me even more crazy since females have cyclic patterns instead of the steady ones that stupid males have. (Love my little rant there? Brace yourselves for more)

I feel like I want to stop time again. This is so pathetic, and all because of one petty and minuscule detail that won't even matter 3 months let alone a year from now.

Are you ready for just how dramatic it can get for a highly hormonal girl going through PMS about to be presented with her monthly "gift"?

Why does getting a bad grade make me feel so damn shitty. I am completely bummed out. I mean this is the worst grade I have ever received considering that I do more than fairly well in my classes. Usually I can wrap my head around the situation and repress my loathsome ugly sentiments and start a new, but I feel so suffocated and in need of serious counsel. I just keep seeing that image of the unbearably low grade in my mind. Ever since I viewed it last night, my mind cannot discard of it. This is so horrible and I feel like I don't know what to do. I know I shouldn't worry about it so much and people are always going to tell me that. But I can't help but worry too much. This seriously sucks.

Okay here goes,
I got a 68% on a critical response paper, that is 10% of my grade, I feel like I did honestly pretty well on. So as you can see I am crushed.

For a person who get fairly high on the progress of expansion in productivity, and in this case of academics, I feel seriously lost. I keep trying to make sense of it and I can't. I mean I try to understand it, and I really don't see how I could have gotten such a low grade. I mean it couldn't have possibly been that bad. I know it. I mean I read the comments the professor had and realize what it was lacking, but goddddddddd!!! IT COULD NOT HAVE BEEN THAT BAD AS TO RECEIVE A fucking D+! GOD HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN? What did he not take into consideration my good ideas? What grading criteria is that?! Well he must have since he clearly commented on how well my creative theories were! Goddamn I need some clarification. I am so completely frustrated and almost enraged to tears. Irate that I doubt I can do anything to change the matter and irate that I know the things I write are absolutely not of D+ quality. Jeez, you have got to be kidding me. I know for a fact that my work is of A quality. (Not to be pretentious or conceited, but I often know what ranking my writing deserve.) And if not A than B, but never less than a B. I know when I do a good job and when I do not. Everyone knows when they half ass things and when they pull in full effort. I can't wrap my head around it. I am seriously freaking out! This is seriously not only making me reevaluate myself, but also making me feel like a complete insignificant dumbass like the rest of the ignorant souls I so loathe all of the fucking time. ARGH! So hopefully I can after I speak with him about it tomorrow. Oh god, I feel sick..