Silent Treatment x 10

You know what's worse than the silent treatment from my mother?

The silent treatment from my father.
They last for days.

And it's taken me up until now to realize where my brother gets his stubborn and incorrigible immature"grudge" behavior during heated arguments.

What's so bad about the silent treatment from my father is that we've never really had a relationship to begin with (him having traveled for all of my life and still doing so might I add)and I understand that his constant need to out-do, jabber, and impress comes from the internal need to overcompensate for the years that he has lost and the time we'll never be able to get back.

But it's been too long now and it's too difficult to even mend. I don't even know how to fit him in my life anymore because the gap is just too great.

And my bipolar moods really don't mesh well with the continuous familial issues that will always be around.
My dutiful Chinese daughter guilt doesn't suit well with me either for now I have the massive guilt and regret in my chest of a father's bruised ego.

What's worse than a person crying?
A grown man's internal ache for something that will never be there and his inability to connect because of the perpetually stuck facade.