I Wish I Really Were A Robot

Outside,
I am as silent and subdued as a robot.
Inside,
I am screaming and dying while I slowly watch myself (as if an observer, seriously it is as if I am literally watching myself) let my body and everything it helps keep together decay away.
The light is going out. The hard gem-like flame is succumbing to self-incineration.
I can feel it; it is as if the molecules that make up my entire physicality are slowly detaching themselves one by one. The tiny atoms seem to be subtly surrendering themselves to their own extinction. As if they're all collectively hoping to be inevitably integrated back among the ugliness of the self destructive world.
It is like I am here, but really not.