A Dream

is a wish, your heart makes.

Really? Is it? (How corny and full of bullshit is that?)

Lately, my heart has been craving so bad for just that one person. That one person who can just redeem the harshness of the world. All I need is just one person. All you need just one person who will be there for you 'til the end.

My secret wish that I will never admit to anyone.

I wish for just that one person who will complete me in every single way. The one who will be unconditionally sweet and loving towards me and will not ever run away when things get too difficult to handle and too crazy. All I ever want is just one person. Is that so much to ask? If I could have just that one person, I would be ever so blissful that all the damage that has been done to be would be completely expunged.

My heart aches all of the time. I wish that I could have that one person. I feel that so many people out there are so lucky and take forgranted of the fact that they have the ability to attain such lust for life.

And yet, here I am. So fully unable to find such a love that would able to completely make me whole and redeem all of my scars that have left such a deteriorating impact on me.

All it takes is just that one perfect person. Though I will never openly admit it with my own voice that that is the one thing I so completely yearn to have, truly, that is the one thing I wish to have because I know that if I had that one person that would love me eternally without regrets or misfortunes, than I would be able to see the world in a different light and be able to be a new person.

I wouldn't have to be this fucked up person that I have become. I wouldn't have to be this girl who constantly craves to sob all the time but because of her inexplicable wiring, cannot shed even the smallest drop of tears. I am emotionally disabled and handicapped. My true wish is to be able to just live freely with my other half that will be able to complete me fully perpetually. Yet, we all have come to know that life is not fair.

I'm sorry, my words are really rudimentary right now for I am slightly drunk right now. So excuse my terrible speech and awful articulation.

You know how I would rather be asleep than awake? It is because I have the incredible possibility of being able to dream the most remarkable impossibilities ever. I would rather sleep forever than have to deal with my terrible reality.

I wish I could cry right now to relive some emotional pain, but my entire being has made it utterly impossible.

I really do often contemplate if I could be really suicidal. I think of what would stop me, the people and finance that it would effect (being my family), and I wish that I was not so empathetic or caring of everyone else. Maybe I could be able to just end it all. Wow that sounded completely crazy and suicidal. I cannot believe this is the person I have become.

I hate the fact that I feel the wanting to seriously cry all of the time when I am alone. What the fuck is the matter? Why do I feel this way? Why can't I just be happy or just content? My life is not bad and I know that. So why do I feel so unsatisfied? Why do I want to cry all of the time?

Why do I seriously crave the impeccable sharp sterling silver blade across my soft skin all of the time in hopes that it will take the pain that radiates throughout my body away. How can I possibly be this broken and damaged? My entire body hurts all of the time and I am just that good at pretending that no one is able to notice for the mere fact that I will never let anyone ever really know for the fear of the bottom falling out. Every time I try to get close to someone or let them in, I get let down and hurt in the end because they are not the person I thought they were. Everyone I love leaves and everyone I think that I can trust is proved to be ultimately the wrong person.

And I am so tired of it.
I am so tired of always getting hurt when I know I can a good person.

God, all I want is just that one person. Is that so much to ask for?

I don't need much. It is unfortunate to say that I am seriously lonely, but, I am. But definitely do not need your damn self pity or sympathy. I have grown up on my own by the care of myself and no one elses. So I would definitely not need the help of anyone elses.

I hate that I feel so helpless and broken. I wish I could cry.
I just want that one person who can complete me. I wish for it everyday, for then I wouldn't need anything else.