I Hate This Specific Goodbye

I just got home from having a linner (lunch/dinner, late lunch early dinner) with my friend who is moving away to Hong Kong, China indefinitely and I didn't want to say goodbye, I gave him a hug goodbye and had to give him another even when I hadn't let go yet. I have known him for 3 years thus far and it's not enough. It hit me quite hard on the drive back, I'm actually astonished, I couldn't breathe. (I can breathe now thanks to my trusty self preservation that makes me so detached to everything and that works like a charm and calms me down within an hour) This guy has been there for me through it all, all the worst times and then some. He has taken care of me at my worst even when I didn't deserve it.

Even when I had first met him and we barely knew eachother he took care of me when I was wasted. He has come over to take care of me when I was seriously ill and could not get out of bed, he figured out how to break my fever, stayed the night to make sure I was okay and took my medicine (when he was without car) and even made me soup that I didn't end up eating because I was too sick. He went with me to the ER late at night when I got my cornea scratched (which believe me is the worst pain possible because your eye has a billion optic nerves, and I can take a lot of pain, but not that) and even stuck with me when I finally found a 24hr pharmacy to get my perscription. He has let me stay over and cheered me up when I needed someone there while pushing his own problems aside. I have been very selfish in our relationship. And I should've treated him better at times. I should've been a better person to him and a friend, but believe me I did the best I could when the occasion arose.

We both have had our fuck ups with eachother. He's always been selfless with me when he's been around, and when I have been around I have tried to match his selflessness, but I am an imperfect person full of flaws. During these past 3 years there was almost a year where we didn't speak because we got into a fight, and I regret the time lost because I can never get it back. We've got into several arguments that resulted in us being angry at eachother that ended up in silent treatment, and all that is time lost and I hate that. And now he's leaving. His flight is tomorrow. I don't want him to go, but he has to go and I'm seriously going to miss him. I'm sorry. Although we have both made our own fatal mistakes, I love him, he's the best person I know. And now he won't be here anymore, but at least there's email and web chatting. So ah, a silver lining.