Low

So, low.

To

To fully heal and not feel any sort of pain anymore would be a wonderous thing. To want to actually live, to not utterly hate myself, now that would be an accomplishment.

Self reminder*
Breathe. Let it go. Breathe. Repeat.
You're better than this. Karma.

Forget Them

Forget them all.

I am by no means a feminist, but it's disgusting the way society has shaped males to treat, view, and talk about women.

Self Reminder*

In with the good, out with the bad.
Inhale, exhale. Deep. Repeat if necessary.

Don't let little things bother you and ruin your good feels. It's too easy.
Repress and ignore the bad. You are not your failures. Be kind to yourself.

How can you expect me to be emotionally available if I come from two emotionally unavailable parents.

Beginning to really realize how emotionally unavailable, in life, I really am. But to be honest, I'm not sure if I mind. It's easier this way to not feel anything that's of my own.

She's empty.

And they'll never understand.

What if I didn't make something grand out of my life, like become a lawyer? Or something more, that something always chasing something?

Would that be okay with the world?
Would that be okay?

To actually want to live, would be a great accomplishment all on its own.

Though I wish everyone else judging would feel the same way.

They don't seem to understand, that just making an appearance outside on a simple errand, stepping outside of my domestic domain, is a big enough feat all on its own.

Just that is enough to celebrate for the day. It is indeed, life in the little things.

At this moment,

I no longer have any great ambitions in life,

but to just be content with existing.

I love the quietness of an empty house. Strange, 'cause I used to loathe it and need some sort of white noise in the background. Not anymore though. I'm learning to appreciate silence. Learning to love quiet solitude.

If I could just lay here in this bed, with these clean white sheets and comforting smells, for the rest of my life, I'd be okay with that.