What Else Is New

Empty. Nothing.

Bad

It must've been really bad this time. So bad that it couldn't wait, so bad that it didn't matter what hour it was. So bad to have been woken up by non-hushed tones. So bad that i immediately felt a horrible tone and vibe radiating throughout the house. So bad, that I know what they're feeling must be worse.

6 a.m.

Woke up to my parents arguing. Got woken up by arguing. They went out of town on business this weekend. Actually, it's not even arguing this time. It's just my mother lecturing my father because he obviously did something wrong. And he's just taking it because he knows he screwed up. This is even worse than a heated discussion; it's absolute succumbed and realized defeat. Which makes things the saddest cause of the condescending. Family and business should never come together. I'm glad I got out. But I still need to get completely away from this, I can feel the chains continue to pull me down. This never becomes easy at any age, I feel like a small child again, every time. Maybe I still am. At any age, hearing your parents argue is never comforting and always still unsettling.

My

My whole body hurts.

Can't Help

It. Feeling dead, nothing inside. Nothing but a huge void, a huge void of yearning- to feel something real again.

I'm

I'm ready to say bye, to you, and to everything familiar. Ready to let go.

Please

Make it all stop. This chaos I have ensuing in my entire body, in my chest and my head, so much that I can't breathe right. It just all hurts, why? This is all so ridiculous. And I can't even cry because my body physically just refuses to produce any sense of relief anymore. I just want to bleed, but even that doesn't even give me a thrill anymore. All I feel is numb when I do it. I don't feel anything and yet I feel everything. It's just a sharp pain in my battered heart that just won't go away. It hurts to breathe. I feel like my insides are all scraped raw so much that the blood just keeps flowing, but there's nothing left anymore. I have nothing left, I am nothing left.

Oh, She May Be Weary..

I feel so dead inside.

8.5

Ugh, from the inside out, my entire body hurts.